昨晚梦见了你。
很少在我梦里出现的你，昨夜竟然跑到我梦里去了。
发了一个怎样的梦我忘了。
梦里发生了什么我也忘了。
梦里还有什么人，我更忘了。
依然清晰的是你在梦里。
梦里外的你，都对我不够关心。
梦里外的你，都对我不够体贴。
梦里外的你，都还是不够爱我。
你在我梦里，还是像现实生活般，都没有对我好一些。
原来，有时，梦与现实生活是一样的。
人生如梦，梦如人生。
有时梦里发生过的事情，现实生活中也会发生。
有时我们还会记得，有时我们却忘了。
毕竟是梦一场，又有谁会刻意去记住它呢？
梦醒了，回到现实生活中，人有时还是会希望永远活在梦中。
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
微笑地说再见
今天是我离开槟城的一天，搬回我的家，那个永远都会为我把门打开的家。
离开槟城，离开一个曾经带给我许多回忆的地方。
悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄的来，我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。
有些东西，离开时，是带不走的。
在槟城的最后一天，只是在忙着收拾东西，好多的东西。
原来我的东西超级多，我从来都没有去留意我有多少东西。
在槟威大桥上，我的心情没有很沉重。
看着我爱的大海，心里有点不舍。
心情不好时再也看不到大海了。
那我以后心情不好时该怎么办呢？
槟城，我会怀念的一个地方。
有空我会回去走走的，去聚聚我的朋友。
再见咯，我在心里微笑地说了一声。
离开槟城，离开一个曾经带给我许多回忆的地方。
悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄的来，我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。
有些东西，离开时，是带不走的。
在槟城的最后一天，只是在忙着收拾东西，好多的东西。
原来我的东西超级多，我从来都没有去留意我有多少东西。
在槟威大桥上，我的心情没有很沉重。
看着我爱的大海，心里有点不舍。
心情不好时再也看不到大海了。
那我以后心情不好时该怎么办呢？
槟城，我会怀念的一个地方。
有空我会回去走走的，去聚聚我的朋友。
再见咯，我在心里微笑地说了一声。
Sunday, March 29, 2009
微妙的感觉
是什么时候开始，我们之间开始有话聊？
是什么时候开始，我生活里出现了这么一个你？
是什么时候我不清楚，是什么时候并不重要。
重要的是在我伤心难过时有这么一个你陪伴着我。
重要的是有个这么一个你曾经出现在我的生命里。
一封信息，
一通电话，
简单的问候都会让我一整天有好心情。
体贴的你，总可以让我开心一整天。
一个微妙的体贴，
都会让我开心好久好久。
是我太容易被感动吗？
原来有个人担心自己，是一件幸福的事。
曾经为了陪我度过最伤心的一天，就算你好累，还是陪我到深夜。
曾经为了陪无聊的我看情人节那天的日出而必须早起的你，让我在失恋后第一个情人节心情没那么糟。
原来有个这么一个朋友，是一件幸福的事。
虽然你不多话，但你对我做过的一切，都让我感动许久。
很感谢我身边有你这样的朋友。
我会在心里永远记着有这么一个你。
是什么时候开始，我生活里出现了这么一个你？
是什么时候我不清楚，是什么时候并不重要。
重要的是在我伤心难过时有这么一个你陪伴着我。
重要的是有个这么一个你曾经出现在我的生命里。
一封信息，
一通电话，
简单的问候都会让我一整天有好心情。
体贴的你，总可以让我开心一整天。
一个微妙的体贴，
都会让我开心好久好久。
是我太容易被感动吗？
原来有个人担心自己，是一件幸福的事。
曾经为了陪我度过最伤心的一天，就算你好累，还是陪我到深夜。
曾经为了陪无聊的我看情人节那天的日出而必须早起的你，让我在失恋后第一个情人节心情没那么糟。
原来有个这么一个朋友，是一件幸福的事。
虽然你不多话，但你对我做过的一切，都让我感动许久。
很感谢我身边有你这样的朋友。
我会在心里永远记着有这么一个你。
Friday, March 27, 2009
虚惊一场
下午爸接到一通电话。
女孩在电话里哭泣，说她出事了，就匆匆挂了电话。
爸妈赶紧打电话给我。
打了几通我都没有接电话，就真的担心我出事了。
还打电话给riche和yee teng，叫他们去找我。
爸也打电话给在槟城的朋友，叫他们去找找我。
其实当时的我和ann和娴在gurney redbox 唱 k。
没接到电话因为碰巧我去了厕所，手机在包包里。
回电给妈妈，知道我平安无事他们总算松了一口气。
但爸到现在好像还没恢复心情，还处于受惊状况。
今天整个下午都在讲电话报平安。
不知道哪个该死的家伙竟然恶作剧。
要知道我爸妈年纪不小了，经不起这么大的玩笑啊！
还好我爸妈心脏都很健康，要不然肯定被吓死。
没道德的家伙，竟然开这种玩笑！
有点罪恶感。
爸妈那么担心我，而我竟然若无其事的在shopping complex。
而且朋友都在担心我，还想乘一小时的午餐时间去找我看我是不是出事了。
虽然只是虚惊一场，但真的很感动因为有那么关心我的朋友。
也让我知道爸妈时时刻刻都在担心在外面的孩子，担心我们的安危。
接了我的平安电话爸还是不放心，还想放下所有工作，驾一辆车来槟城载我回家。
还好被妈阻止了。
爸真是过度紧张及担心了。
爱我、疼我的爸妈，我真的很好，很安全，没什么事发生在我身上。
不要担心了好吗？
女孩在电话里哭泣，说她出事了，就匆匆挂了电话。
爸妈赶紧打电话给我。
打了几通我都没有接电话，就真的担心我出事了。
还打电话给riche和yee teng，叫他们去找我。
爸也打电话给在槟城的朋友，叫他们去找找我。
其实当时的我和ann和娴在gurney redbox 唱 k。
没接到电话因为碰巧我去了厕所，手机在包包里。
回电给妈妈，知道我平安无事他们总算松了一口气。
但爸到现在好像还没恢复心情，还处于受惊状况。
今天整个下午都在讲电话报平安。
不知道哪个该死的家伙竟然恶作剧。
要知道我爸妈年纪不小了，经不起这么大的玩笑啊！
还好我爸妈心脏都很健康，要不然肯定被吓死。
没道德的家伙，竟然开这种玩笑！
有点罪恶感。
爸妈那么担心我，而我竟然若无其事的在shopping complex。
而且朋友都在担心我，还想乘一小时的午餐时间去找我看我是不是出事了。
虽然只是虚惊一场，但真的很感动因为有那么关心我的朋友。
也让我知道爸妈时时刻刻都在担心在外面的孩子，担心我们的安危。
接了我的平安电话爸还是不放心，还想放下所有工作，驾一辆车来槟城载我回家。
还好被妈阻止了。
爸真是过度紧张及担心了。
爱我、疼我的爸妈，我真的很好，很安全，没什么事发生在我身上。
不要担心了好吗？
Thursday, March 26, 2009
雨
雨，
是浪漫的雨，
当你和喜欢的人在雨中漫步。
雨，
是惆怅的雨，
当你喜欢的人在雨天与你告别。
雨，
是无奈的雨，
当你一个人在雨天思念不在你身边的那个他。
雨，
是无情的雨，
当你心爱的人在雨天永远离开你。
雨
是希望的雨，
当你深信雨后是一片晴天。
下雨的那天，
心情会因为雨天而变得和天空一样灰灰的。
下着雨的天空，
我的心是不是也灰灰的？
在我心中的那场雨，
是一场什么样的雨？
是惆怅？
是无奈？
还是希望？
是不是当我有勇气站在雨中，
雨滴就会把我的烦恼带走？
雨后就会出现一道彩虹，
虽然彩虹的出现是瞬间的灿烂，
但消逝了却留下了深刻印象。
爱情也不过如此。
是浪漫的雨，
当你和喜欢的人在雨中漫步。
雨，
是惆怅的雨，
当你喜欢的人在雨天与你告别。
雨，
是无奈的雨，
当你一个人在雨天思念不在你身边的那个他。
雨，
是无情的雨，
当你心爱的人在雨天永远离开你。
雨
是希望的雨，
当你深信雨后是一片晴天。
下雨的那天，
心情会因为雨天而变得和天空一样灰灰的。
下着雨的天空，
我的心是不是也灰灰的？
在我心中的那场雨，
是一场什么样的雨？
是惆怅？
是无奈？
还是希望？
是不是当我有勇气站在雨中，
雨滴就会把我的烦恼带走？
雨后就会出现一道彩虹，
虽然彩虹的出现是瞬间的灿烂，
但消逝了却留下了深刻印象。
爱情也不过如此。
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
路
最近都很迟睡。
虽然还没病好。
喉咙痛到感冒、头痛。连计划好的浮罗交怡之旅都要泡汤，真是的，病得不是时候。
在槟城的日子只剩没几天了。
曾想过继续住到六月考完试的，但都收拾东西了，算了吧。回家吧。
我真的是个容易受影响的人。
如果不容易受影响，那我就不是现在的我了。
容易受人和环境影响。
所以才坚决要离开。
不是害怕面对，而是想给自己一个重新的机会。
不够勇敢，所以每次决定了的事都会犹豫很久。
往往都不敢再踏出一步。
或许是害怕改变。
但人往往都必须要改变才会进步。
我还在努力。
努力当一个有主见的人。
努力当一个不那么容易被影响的人。
努力当一个勇敢的人。
努力当一个更加独立的人。
努力当一个懂得为自己未来打算的人。
努力......
人生的转折点。
我现在做了什么决定，将来会影响我一生。
我未来的路要怎么走？
我必须深思。
人生苦短。
我希望我接下来的每一天可以活得精彩。
今天读了一本书，林幸惠的 ‘ 答案 ’ 。是一本慧娴借我读的书。谢谢她这几天跟我讲了很多很多，我会好好吸收她告诉我的话，好好的想我自己应该怎么决定。
我在寻找答案。
虽然还没病好。
喉咙痛到感冒、头痛。连计划好的浮罗交怡之旅都要泡汤，真是的，病得不是时候。
在槟城的日子只剩没几天了。
曾想过继续住到六月考完试的，但都收拾东西了，算了吧。回家吧。
我真的是个容易受影响的人。
如果不容易受影响，那我就不是现在的我了。
容易受人和环境影响。
所以才坚决要离开。
不是害怕面对，而是想给自己一个重新的机会。
不够勇敢，所以每次决定了的事都会犹豫很久。
往往都不敢再踏出一步。
或许是害怕改变。
但人往往都必须要改变才会进步。
我还在努力。
努力当一个有主见的人。
努力当一个不那么容易被影响的人。
努力当一个勇敢的人。
努力当一个更加独立的人。
努力当一个懂得为自己未来打算的人。
努力......
人生的转折点。
我现在做了什么决定，将来会影响我一生。
我未来的路要怎么走？
我必须深思。
人生苦短。
我希望我接下来的每一天可以活得精彩。
今天读了一本书，林幸惠的 ‘ 答案 ’ 。是一本慧娴借我读的书。谢谢她这几天跟我讲了很多很多，我会好好吸收她告诉我的话，好好的想我自己应该怎么决定。
我在寻找答案。
17/3/09
和慧娴通了电话。
不知不觉又哭了。
真的好难过。
流的泪不是因为他而伤心，所流的泪是为自己流的。
觉得对自己有那么一点点的失望。
好久没哭了，才流那几滴眼泪眼睛就痛了。该死的眼泪。
真该为自己好好计划了。太多的困扰令我措手不及。
感觉我好像失去了方向，迷路了。
怎么我现在一个人的日子总是没了方向呢？
已经三个多月了，怎么我还找不到属于自己的方向呢？
还来不及反应，到底应该怎样。
谁能告诉我？
谁能开导我？
我始终都必须一个人承担，因为这是我的人生。
我的选择。
我的未来。
不知不觉又哭了。
真的好难过。
流的泪不是因为他而伤心，所流的泪是为自己流的。
觉得对自己有那么一点点的失望。
好久没哭了，才流那几滴眼泪眼睛就痛了。该死的眼泪。
真该为自己好好计划了。太多的困扰令我措手不及。
感觉我好像失去了方向，迷路了。
怎么我现在一个人的日子总是没了方向呢？
已经三个多月了，怎么我还找不到属于自己的方向呢？
还来不及反应，到底应该怎样。
谁能告诉我？
谁能开导我？
我始终都必须一个人承担，因为这是我的人生。
我的选择。
我的未来。
15/3/09
今早竟然睡到十一点多才醒，是太累了吧？
早餐当了午餐，午餐变成下午茶了。
和表妹聊天。
她问，我还会想念他吗？我想，或许偶尔吧。
还问，想恢复单身的理由我能接受？说真的，我没想太多。
或许我已经不想再挽回什么了。
我也不想再去想到底他是真的想恢复单身还是有第三者出现，那真的都不重要了。
从看到成绩的那天起，我已经醒觉了，该好好为自己打算，不要再让自己沉沦了。
人是有感情的动物。无可否认。
把考试搞砸是我的过错，是我没把感情事放一旁，是我没把我的情绪处理好。是我把我的心弄丢了，没好好专心读书。考试考不好，是我的错。
付出了那么多的努力，换来的却是不理想的成绩，真的有些可惜。
付出了那么多的感情，换来的是不完美的结局，我不觉得可惜。
拥有过就好，是人生中的一部分。
分开了三个月了。偶尔会去看看他的friendster或facebook，很傻吧？
friendster竟然还有着我们的照片，他还留着为什么呢？
或许像yk说的，等他有了女朋友时他一定会删掉的，那时的我就会知道他身边多了个她。
我有时会想，会是他先有个她，还是我先有个他？很愚蠢的问题...
无论如何我都会祝福他。
很感谢他让我成长了不少。因为没有他的日子更让我觉得我从来没有好好思考自己的未来应该要怎么走。
人要往前看，我会紧记。
偶尔回头望是要提醒自己以前犯的错，不让自己重蹈过往的错。
我会努力重新生活。
当初是一个人来到槟城读书，至少现在我不是一个人，我有疼我的哥哥和嫂嫂。还有肯包容我的任性及爱我的爸爸妈妈。
早餐当了午餐，午餐变成下午茶了。
和表妹聊天。
她问，我还会想念他吗？我想，或许偶尔吧。
还问，想恢复单身的理由我能接受？说真的，我没想太多。
或许我已经不想再挽回什么了。
我也不想再去想到底他是真的想恢复单身还是有第三者出现，那真的都不重要了。
从看到成绩的那天起，我已经醒觉了，该好好为自己打算，不要再让自己沉沦了。
人是有感情的动物。无可否认。
把考试搞砸是我的过错，是我没把感情事放一旁，是我没把我的情绪处理好。是我把我的心弄丢了，没好好专心读书。考试考不好，是我的错。
付出了那么多的努力，换来的却是不理想的成绩，真的有些可惜。
付出了那么多的感情，换来的是不完美的结局，我不觉得可惜。
拥有过就好，是人生中的一部分。
分开了三个月了。偶尔会去看看他的friendster或facebook，很傻吧？
friendster竟然还有着我们的照片，他还留着为什么呢？
或许像yk说的，等他有了女朋友时他一定会删掉的，那时的我就会知道他身边多了个她。
我有时会想，会是他先有个她，还是我先有个他？很愚蠢的问题...
无论如何我都会祝福他。
很感谢他让我成长了不少。因为没有他的日子更让我觉得我从来没有好好思考自己的未来应该要怎么走。
人要往前看，我会紧记。
偶尔回头望是要提醒自己以前犯的错，不让自己重蹈过往的错。
我会努力重新生活。
当初是一个人来到槟城读书，至少现在我不是一个人，我有疼我的哥哥和嫂嫂。还有肯包容我的任性及爱我的爸爸妈妈。
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Monday, March 23, 2009
一个人
2/3/09
一个人，从亚罗士打到吉隆坡。
一个人，自己搭巴士。
我的第一次。
整辆巴士只有我一个华人，有点恐怖。巴士其他乘客都是马来人，就连两位巴士司机都是。
在巴士里突然想听听戴佩妮的 ‘ 一个人的行李 ’ ，虽然我只是去吉隆坡而已。电话里没有一首戴佩妮的歌，所以只好听别的歌曲。
张小娴曾经在她的部落格写说她不爱一个不爱她的人。这句话不是每个人都做得到吧！在还没遇到这样的一个人，我们或许可以很理智的告诉自己不要爱一个不爱你的人。但是当你真的遇见了，感情这种事，要来就来，你根本就不会去想你喜欢的那个他会不会也喜欢你。因为喜欢就是喜欢。
晚上去了sunway pyramid。二哥说好久没去逛街了。
突然·心血来潮想去剪头发。去了x-cut，15分钟 RM15。
剪了头发，感觉松了不少。把坏了的头发剪了，就像把不开心的过去抛开，重新留过长发，重新开始。
8/3/09
好几天没出去了，这几天都呆在家里无所事事。
难得星期天，和大哥、大嫂和scott去了one utama逛街。
午餐是在chatterbox吃。
走了整个下午，买了两件衣服和一顶帽子。有一件衣服是大嫂买给我的，是我想买很久却没有买的一件衣服。
买了帽子是因为对它一见钟情。没考虑太多就买了。
去shopping买东西，花了多少并没有很重要，因为钱可以再赚。最重要是觉得开心就好，不是吗？
一见钟情
9/3/09
今天tee wei带我去吃了出名的淉条汤，还蛮大碗的，还不错。但说真的，并没有很好吃。我想每个人对好吃的定义都不一样吧。
晚上又去了sunway pyramid。是去看戏，marley & me，是有关一只狗和一个家庭的故事。故事蛮感人的。我想我是因为那只狗所以才喜欢这部电影吧。
看完戏就去了附近的咖啡店吃鸭肉粥。
吃了宵夜，tee wei带我去兜兜风，看看那里的地方，感受那里的环境。
回到家都已经12.30am了。
累了，睡吧。
10/3/09
在吉隆坡好几天了，差不多一个星期多了。感觉我好像每天在浪费时间。
没有心情读书，有点担心这次的考试。不知该怎么应付。感觉时间不够用了，怎么办?
在想，决定来吉隆坡是不是一时冲动呢？我不知道我是不是开始觉得有那么一点点后悔，只是觉得有些不知所措。一切都必须从头开始，新的生活，凡是必须更加独立。新的生活会很陌生，有点不习惯。
我心里清楚，从我决定离开槟城后，我就没打算回去了。就算我真的不能适应吉隆坡的生活。既然决定了，我就不会再回头了。回头的路真的不堪回首。我相信自己适应能力还不差，只是时间的问题而已，看是适应得快还是慢罢了。
突然有个奇怪的念头。我希望我下个恋情是远距离恋爱。呵呵...有点白痴吧？
或许是我觉得上一段恋情一点距离都没有，所以...
一切顺其自然吧！
目前确实想过单身生活的我，不想被约束，不想再那么累。
让我的心先好好休息吧！
11/3/09
今早终于有碰到书了，虽然只有一个chapter。人不能太贪心。虽然读了不多，却是一个好的开始。
下午驾二嫂的车去买午餐，有二哥壮胆，还好。二哥说我驾车技术还好，parking就不及格。哈哈，没有方向感的我...
吃了午餐就跟着二哥去mid valley。因为晚上约了MK看戏，顺便拿我的手信，从ang kor wat的手信。逛了好几个小时，去试衣服、去书局看书，一个人逛这么久，真的有点无聊。
意外的是tee wei带了sky和rain他们去mid valley逛。所以就和他们一起去吃晚餐。吃晚餐的地点是nyonya colors，我点的mee siam + honey chicken味道还不错，至于他们点的食物，他们说不是很好吃。
匆匆忙忙把晚餐吃完就赶着去看戏了。7.40pm的戏我们7.50pm才入场。
是的，我的错，是我吃得慢。
看了 ‘功夫厨神’ ，还不错咯。
看完戏去了台湾小吃，点了不知草莓什么的，有点不喜欢。
就这样，一天又过去了。
一个人，从亚罗士打到吉隆坡。
一个人，自己搭巴士。
我的第一次。
整辆巴士只有我一个华人，有点恐怖。巴士其他乘客都是马来人，就连两位巴士司机都是。
在巴士里突然想听听戴佩妮的 ‘ 一个人的行李 ’ ，虽然我只是去吉隆坡而已。电话里没有一首戴佩妮的歌，所以只好听别的歌曲。
张小娴曾经在她的部落格写说她不爱一个不爱她的人。这句话不是每个人都做得到吧！在还没遇到这样的一个人，我们或许可以很理智的告诉自己不要爱一个不爱你的人。但是当你真的遇见了，感情这种事，要来就来，你根本就不会去想你喜欢的那个他会不会也喜欢你。因为喜欢就是喜欢。
晚上去了sunway pyramid。二哥说好久没去逛街了。
突然·心血来潮想去剪头发。去了x-cut，15分钟 RM15。
剪了头发，感觉松了不少。把坏了的头发剪了，就像把不开心的过去抛开，重新留过长发，重新开始。
8/3/09
好几天没出去了，这几天都呆在家里无所事事。
难得星期天，和大哥、大嫂和scott去了one utama逛街。
午餐是在chatterbox吃。
走了整个下午，买了两件衣服和一顶帽子。有一件衣服是大嫂买给我的，是我想买很久却没有买的一件衣服。
买了帽子是因为对它一见钟情。没考虑太多就买了。
去shopping买东西，花了多少并没有很重要，因为钱可以再赚。最重要是觉得开心就好，不是吗？
一见钟情9/3/09
今天tee wei带我去吃了出名的淉条汤，还蛮大碗的，还不错。但说真的，并没有很好吃。我想每个人对好吃的定义都不一样吧。
晚上又去了sunway pyramid。是去看戏，marley & me，是有关一只狗和一个家庭的故事。故事蛮感人的。我想我是因为那只狗所以才喜欢这部电影吧。
看完戏就去了附近的咖啡店吃鸭肉粥。
吃了宵夜，tee wei带我去兜兜风，看看那里的地方，感受那里的环境。
回到家都已经12.30am了。
累了，睡吧。
10/3/09
在吉隆坡好几天了，差不多一个星期多了。感觉我好像每天在浪费时间。
没有心情读书，有点担心这次的考试。不知该怎么应付。感觉时间不够用了，怎么办?
在想，决定来吉隆坡是不是一时冲动呢？我不知道我是不是开始觉得有那么一点点后悔，只是觉得有些不知所措。一切都必须从头开始，新的生活，凡是必须更加独立。新的生活会很陌生，有点不习惯。
我心里清楚，从我决定离开槟城后，我就没打算回去了。就算我真的不能适应吉隆坡的生活。既然决定了，我就不会再回头了。回头的路真的不堪回首。我相信自己适应能力还不差，只是时间的问题而已，看是适应得快还是慢罢了。
突然有个奇怪的念头。我希望我下个恋情是远距离恋爱。呵呵...有点白痴吧？
或许是我觉得上一段恋情一点距离都没有，所以...
一切顺其自然吧！
目前确实想过单身生活的我，不想被约束，不想再那么累。
让我的心先好好休息吧！
11/3/09
今早终于有碰到书了，虽然只有一个chapter。人不能太贪心。虽然读了不多，却是一个好的开始。
下午驾二嫂的车去买午餐，有二哥壮胆，还好。二哥说我驾车技术还好，parking就不及格。哈哈，没有方向感的我...
吃了午餐就跟着二哥去mid valley。因为晚上约了MK看戏，顺便拿我的手信，从ang kor wat的手信。逛了好几个小时，去试衣服、去书局看书，一个人逛这么久，真的有点无聊。
意外的是tee wei带了sky和rain他们去mid valley逛。所以就和他们一起去吃晚餐。吃晚餐的地点是nyonya colors，我点的mee siam + honey chicken味道还不错，至于他们点的食物，他们说不是很好吃。
匆匆忙忙把晚餐吃完就赶着去看戏了。7.40pm的戏我们7.50pm才入场。
是的，我的错，是我吃得慢。
看了 ‘功夫厨神’ ，还不错咯。
看完戏去了台湾小吃，点了不知草莓什么的，有点不喜欢。
就这样，一天又过去了。
回忆
终于可以用中文写部落格了，有点开心，又有点担心，因为我还有点不习惯，怕打字速度慢。
28/2/09
刚从槟城回到家里，有点累。
这几天都有点忙，忙着收拾东西、和朋友相聚。
把东西收拾得差不多了，其实我东西确实很多，多得很。
回到家无意间找到一个月饼盒，里面满满的都是我和小学和中学朋友传的字条和写的信。有好多以前的回忆，许多我已经忘了的回忆。
其中有我小学时写给心仪男生的信，后来为什么没交给他我不记得了。只记得当时的我好傻，那男生都已经告白了我还在犹豫，错过了那纯纯的爱情。不知道他现在怎样了，过得怎样了？
我还蛮怀念以前的我，那傻呼呼的我。
那不懂爱却装很懂爱的我，很像现在的我。
晚上在msn和riche谈天，他说离开是不错的决定。他告诉我，离开后要重新开始，而不是继续我现在的生活。这句话蛮有意思的。重新开始对我而言有点困难吧，因为连我自己都不知道要如何重新开始。
他还交代我要小心交友，特别是男性朋友。哈哈...
我知道我的路还很长，但我却不知道该如何走下去。真的该为我的未来好好打算，不要再为谁而停滞。
1/3/09
朋友知道我要离开后都纷纷问我槟城真的没有东西值得我留恋，真的非离开不可吗？
这个问题是我在决定离开时完全没有想过的，朋友们的问题，使我也不禁停下来，好好想想这个问题。
值得留恋的是这些年来认识的朋友，那些在这几年陪伴我的朋友。那些我不想记起的回忆就让它继续停留在某个角落吧！
早在一年半前我就想去吉隆坡读书了，只不过当时有个他把我留下了。现在的我只不过继续我原本想走的路而已，因为当初留我的他，已经不是我的他。
若现在出现另一个他把我留下，我想我还是会选择离开。若出现的另一个他是真的喜欢我那他会等我回来的吧！可惜的是另一个他从来就没有出现过，所以我还是坚决离开。
那天和riche和yee teng出去，听到了一些事情，是我没想过会听到的。
算了，不想提了。
只是觉得有些人真的很可笑。
难道被抛弃真的就很可怜，是受害者吗？难道说分手的那个就该觉得光荣及骄傲吗？是谁提分手其实真的都不重要，重点是双方都同意了，重要的是结果大家都没有在一起了，都不是情侣了。谁提出分手的话就免谈了吧。毕竟结束了一段感情，两者都不是赢家，都两败俱伤...
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coffee island 的 purple lagoon
28/2/09
刚从槟城回到家里，有点累。
这几天都有点忙，忙着收拾东西、和朋友相聚。
把东西收拾得差不多了，其实我东西确实很多，多得很。
回到家无意间找到一个月饼盒，里面满满的都是我和小学和中学朋友传的字条和写的信。有好多以前的回忆，许多我已经忘了的回忆。
其中有我小学时写给心仪男生的信，后来为什么没交给他我不记得了。只记得当时的我好傻，那男生都已经告白了我还在犹豫，错过了那纯纯的爱情。不知道他现在怎样了，过得怎样了？
我还蛮怀念以前的我，那傻呼呼的我。
那不懂爱却装很懂爱的我，很像现在的我。
晚上在msn和riche谈天，他说离开是不错的决定。他告诉我，离开后要重新开始，而不是继续我现在的生活。这句话蛮有意思的。重新开始对我而言有点困难吧，因为连我自己都不知道要如何重新开始。
他还交代我要小心交友，特别是男性朋友。哈哈...
我知道我的路还很长，但我却不知道该如何走下去。真的该为我的未来好好打算，不要再为谁而停滞。
1/3/09
朋友知道我要离开后都纷纷问我槟城真的没有东西值得我留恋，真的非离开不可吗？
这个问题是我在决定离开时完全没有想过的，朋友们的问题，使我也不禁停下来，好好想想这个问题。
值得留恋的是这些年来认识的朋友，那些在这几年陪伴我的朋友。那些我不想记起的回忆就让它继续停留在某个角落吧！
早在一年半前我就想去吉隆坡读书了，只不过当时有个他把我留下了。现在的我只不过继续我原本想走的路而已，因为当初留我的他，已经不是我的他。
若现在出现另一个他把我留下，我想我还是会选择离开。若出现的另一个他是真的喜欢我那他会等我回来的吧！可惜的是另一个他从来就没有出现过，所以我还是坚决离开。
那天和riche和yee teng出去，听到了一些事情，是我没想过会听到的。
算了，不想提了。
只是觉得有些人真的很可笑。
难道被抛弃真的就很可怜，是受害者吗？难道说分手的那个就该觉得光荣及骄傲吗？是谁提分手其实真的都不重要，重点是双方都同意了，重要的是结果大家都没有在一起了，都不是情侣了。谁提出分手的话就免谈了吧。毕竟结束了一段感情，两者都不是赢家，都两败俱伤...
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coffee island 的 purple lagoonSunday, March 22, 2009
22/3/09
just back to penang... penang bridge was so damn jam... lots of cars... i suppose b'coz today is the last day of school holidays and everyone was rushing back for school and work tomorrow...
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i didn't update my blog since i came back from kl... was a bit lazy i suppose... or maybe no mood to blog for the time being... managed to copy paste all the blog entries from the previous blog that i don't know what's the stupid problem is until my friends could not post any comments on the blog...
during my trip in kl i did wrote diary... to write down my feelings and what i actually did in kl... wrote them all in chinese b'coz i think i can describe myself more comfortably in chinese... didn't post them in the blog yet b'coz i do not have the program to type in chinese yet... i think i should go buy pirated software in prangin mall...
that's all for now... will update more in the blog if i have time later... i sure do have time later... haha...
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i didn't update my blog since i came back from kl... was a bit lazy i suppose... or maybe no mood to blog for the time being... managed to copy paste all the blog entries from the previous blog that i don't know what's the stupid problem is until my friends could not post any comments on the blog...
during my trip in kl i did wrote diary... to write down my feelings and what i actually did in kl... wrote them all in chinese b'coz i think i can describe myself more comfortably in chinese... didn't post them in the blog yet b'coz i do not have the program to type in chinese yet... i think i should go buy pirated software in prangin mall...
that's all for now... will update more in the blog if i have time later... i sure do have time later... haha...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
previous blog - Feb 09
1. Back in pg - 1/2/09 , 11.48 pm
today followed ah ann's car back to pg...
reached pg this afternoon around 5 stg...
went out for dinner at raffe...
i went for a drink only... coz i brought food back to eat...
had a small gathering...
those who went : jun huai, li ching, ah ann, pek imm, ah liang, ah keat, steven, juan see, yueh ching, hooi chuan, jessie, etc...
all the picts were taken using li ching's camera... will upload them once li ching send me all the picts...
it's 1.50 am now...
i am still blogging...
while waiting for the photos during cny and the gathering at AS to be uploaded...
listening to songs...
my feelings...
need to be managed again...
haiz...
don't know what to do tomorrow...
came back so early...
need to unpack my things... today didn't unpack yet... all the clothes are still in my bag...
tired...
sleepy...
2. i love fireworks ! - 3/2/09 , 12.50 am
tonight there were fireworks everywhere...
i can hear them loud !!
some can be seen from the window... some can't...
stay at second floor only... aiks...
and the fireworks not high enough...
i love fireworks !!
although my house don't have the tradition to pray during this day...
but i would look forward to this day...
coz there will be fireworks...
today whole day stay at home only...
online... play game... listen to songs...
what a boring life...
today a long lost friend, JW contacted me...
he was my tuition friend since primary... we went to the same tuition during secondary also...
we chatted through msn...
then he called me from s'pore... and we talked for almost 2 hours in a day... ear pain...
we talked about everything...
life in s'pore... places of interest in s'pore... studies... relationships... dramas... etc...
he told me to go s'pore for holiday... he will bring me go around... be my f.o.c tour guide... haha...
i am planning to go there for a holiday... maybe during dec... go there for christmas and new year countdown... but don't know my parents will allow me to go or not yet... hope they will let me go... coz i am kinda excited... after listening to the interesting places he told me... and the shopping malls there... i want to go there shop !!
i think we lost contact for almost 2 years d...
he said he just saw my e-mail address in friendster yesterday... swt... it was there since i created my friendster account...
chatted with su-yan just now...
we are going to play a game we used to play during secondary school time...
that is miss call each other before sleep and after wake up...
i think it was a game played before exam... coz we want to know till what time we studied and woke up start studying again... i think this was the reason we started the game...
it was a way to show our concern to each other also...
but i think last time it was me that always forgot to miss call her... haha...
hope i won't forget this time...
and we had a deal... to play this game till forever... haha... the one forget to miss call will have to treat the other a meal at spring leaf cafe and bali bali...
i suddenly feel now i really love to travel... within or outside m'sia...
let me see...
i really got plenty of plans...
now got new plans...
planning to go pulau redang before june...
planning to go hong kong and japan... not so soon...
hope i really get to go to all the places i listed down...
it's 2.20 am now...
have to go to bed d...
i promised MK tonight will sleep earlier...
haha.... tonight really sleep earlier than last night... last night slept at 3 stg almost 4... tonight 2 stg... i think he will ' kek si ' if i told him that... then he will scold me useless... haha...
3. Perfect Love - 3/2/09 , 1.49 pm
i learnt the hard way...
4. 不会有结果的八种爱情 - 3/2/09 , 1.54 pm
5. 有种思念不叫爱情 - 3/2/09 , 1.58 pm
the guan yin statute...
jin siew & me...
siew yun, jin siew & me...
with siew ying...
with siew yun...
it means happy being single...
coz she is facing the same problem as me...
we were planning to go out together during valentine's day...
don't know what's their plans yet...
hope i am not lonely this coming valentine's day...
单身快乐
i told su-yan too...
she asked me back ' you happy? '
i said ' happy... just not as happy as being in a relationship... '
they are different kind of happiness...
happy or not life still moves on...
i chose to be happy...
coz i feel it's time to be happy d...
i think i had suffered enough...
i felt there's no point feeling sad anymore... although sometimes i am still thinking about the same thing over and over again...
i know i will get over this soon...
it's just a matter of time...
i keep searching for my happiness... coz i thought i lost it somewhere... then i realised actually it was beside me all the time... it was just me that chose to ignore it...
i'll smile more...
i told myself...
i suddenly thought of what JW told me the other day...
he said i can be a really good gf...
i doubt what he said...
i think i lost confidence in myself...
he told me not to think the way i am thinking...
what he said make sense... and really made me feel better...
i guess... besides happiness... i need to gain back my confidence too...
it's 2.40 am...
time to sleep...
sweet dreams...
my new mouse...
tonight went to kek lok si again...
went with MK, ah ann, hui see and pei seng...
we walked up there... swt... i thought we will go up by car... so i wore high heels there... torturing myself again... i want to buy new shoes !!
at first we wanted to go up there by car... but after much consideration... plus the long queue... we decided to park the car at an open space and walked up... it would be faster than we waited for the long queue...
there was a minor accident on the way to kek lok si... pei seng banged a motorcyclist... omg... all of us got a shock... luckily that aunty was fine... and the bike was still in good condition... the aunty was so nice that she said she was ok and asked us to leave...
we took around 170 photos... two cameras... my camera and MK's camera...
edited by me...
me & the dragon...
cute...
me...
with ah ann and hui see...
writing our wishes on the ribbon...
my name...
with MK and ah ann...
with hui see...
the five of us...
i was suffering from leg pain when we walked down from kek lok si... high heels... haiz...
after that we went for supper... had duck rice... the famous duck rice at ayer itam...
there was jam on the way back to our house too... and it was around 12.30 am d... there were still many cars on the road... and most of them were indians... going for thaipusum celebration i suppose...
MK reached home at 4 am in the morning... coz of the jam at the bridge... pity him only... didn't get to reach home earlier...
had a great time... tired... but fun...
double summer...
17/2/09
i've decided to go kl... a sudden decision...
15. Random - 28/2/09 , 1.15 pm
aarggh... this stupid blog.. don't know what's wrong with it... still cannot post comments...
btw... i am going to create a new blog... and don't worry... i'll paste all the posts in this blog to the new blog... i am NOT willing to delete everything in this blog without making a copy of it...
it's been almost one week i last updated the blog... haha... busy packing my things... too many things d... so many boxes... omg... didn't realise i've got so so so many things...
i am going to kl alone this monday... taking bus by myself... my first time... quite excited about it... haha...
can go have a look on my cute little nephew... aaw... he looked so cute in the pictures... can't wait to see him...
going to be in kl for almost 2 weeks or more... so... i will not update my blog till i come back from kl... by that time my blog will be covered with dust... haha...
anyway... that's all for now... when i come back i hope i'll be start blogging in the new blog...
let my blog enjoy a nice and long holiday too : )
today followed ah ann's car back to pg...
reached pg this afternoon around 5 stg...
went out for dinner at raffe...
i went for a drink only... coz i brought food back to eat...
had a small gathering...
those who went : jun huai, li ching, ah ann, pek imm, ah liang, ah keat, steven, juan see, yueh ching, hooi chuan, jessie, etc...
all the picts were taken using li ching's camera... will upload them once li ching send me all the picts...
it's 1.50 am now...
i am still blogging...
while waiting for the photos during cny and the gathering at AS to be uploaded...
listening to songs...
my feelings...
need to be managed again...
haiz...
don't know what to do tomorrow...
came back so early...
need to unpack my things... today didn't unpack yet... all the clothes are still in my bag...
tired...
sleepy...
2. i love fireworks ! - 3/2/09 , 12.50 am
tonight there were fireworks everywhere...
i can hear them loud !!
some can be seen from the window... some can't...
stay at second floor only... aiks...
and the fireworks not high enough...
i love fireworks !!
although my house don't have the tradition to pray during this day...
but i would look forward to this day...
coz there will be fireworks...
today whole day stay at home only...
online... play game... listen to songs...
what a boring life...
today a long lost friend, JW contacted me...
he was my tuition friend since primary... we went to the same tuition during secondary also...
we chatted through msn...
then he called me from s'pore... and we talked for almost 2 hours in a day... ear pain...
we talked about everything...
life in s'pore... places of interest in s'pore... studies... relationships... dramas... etc...
he told me to go s'pore for holiday... he will bring me go around... be my f.o.c tour guide... haha...
i am planning to go there for a holiday... maybe during dec... go there for christmas and new year countdown... but don't know my parents will allow me to go or not yet... hope they will let me go... coz i am kinda excited... after listening to the interesting places he told me... and the shopping malls there... i want to go there shop !!
i think we lost contact for almost 2 years d...
he said he just saw my e-mail address in friendster yesterday... swt... it was there since i created my friendster account...
chatted with su-yan just now...
we are going to play a game we used to play during secondary school time...
that is miss call each other before sleep and after wake up...
i think it was a game played before exam... coz we want to know till what time we studied and woke up start studying again... i think this was the reason we started the game...
it was a way to show our concern to each other also...
but i think last time it was me that always forgot to miss call her... haha...
hope i won't forget this time...
and we had a deal... to play this game till forever... haha... the one forget to miss call will have to treat the other a meal at spring leaf cafe and bali bali...
i suddenly feel now i really love to travel... within or outside m'sia...
let me see...
i really got plenty of plans...
now got new plans...
planning to go pulau redang before june...
planning to go hong kong and japan... not so soon...
hope i really get to go to all the places i listed down...
it's 2.20 am now...
have to go to bed d...
i promised MK tonight will sleep earlier...
haha.... tonight really sleep earlier than last night... last night slept at 3 stg almost 4... tonight 2 stg... i think he will ' kek si ' if i told him that... then he will scold me useless... haha...
3. Perfect Love - 3/2/09 , 1.49 pm
never say i love you
if you don't really care
never talk of feelings
if they aren’t really there
never hold my hand
if you mean to break my heart
never say forever
if you ever plan to part
never look into my eyes
if you are telling me a lie
never say hello
if you think you’ll say goodbye
never say that i’m THE one
if you dream of more than me
never lock up my heart
if you don't have the key
i learnt the hard way...
4. 不会有结果的八种爱情 - 3/2/09 , 1.54 pm
“时间可以改变一切！”这话不假，但是放在爱情里，你就得掂量掂量。 一、你在乎对方比较多 你在谈恋爱，却不确定对方的想法。你觉得你们很合适，她却好像不以为然；你总是主动去关心她，她却可以对你不闻不问；她不在时你很想她，你不在时她好像根本不在乎。这表示什么？ 二、你爱的是对方的潜力 你爱的是对方的潜力，而不是对方真正的样子，你爱的是对方未来可能的样子，那她根本不是你的伴侣，而是你改造的对象。 三、你想要帮助对方 你常觉得对方很可怜吗？你觉得自己有责任帮助对方振作起来吗？你会不会害怕如果离开对方，她会受不了打击？如果是，你恐怕是个“救难狂”。 四、把对方当作崇拜的对象 年轻的女明星爱上导演、大学生爱上教授、秘书爱上老板……，爱上所崇拜的对象，这种感情很难维持正常，因为两人之间无法平等对待。 五、你只是被对方外表吸引 每个人都会这样，对吗？如果你发现自己被对方的某个特质深深吸引，要问自己，若对方没有那双蓝色的大眼睛、磁性的声音……，若对方不是模特儿、不会打篮球……，我还会跟他(她)在一起吗？ 六、短暂朝夕相处的机会 你和对方分担某个工作，常常要一起加班，于是你觉得爱上了对方……。你去度假三周，认识一个也来度假的男人，你觉得好象坠入情网……。短暂的朝夕相处，是指在特殊情况下凑在一块，并不是常规，这种感情不能持久，因为短时间的朝夕相处，无法使你完全了解对方的个性。 七、为了叛逆才选择这对象 父母老是跟你强调，要找个有钱的对象，偏偏你每个男朋友都是穷光蛋；从小父母就对你管教严格，偏偏你每个女朋友都很随便；从小父亲就耳提面命，传香火是最重要的事，偏偏你的女朋友不是不能生，就是不想生…… 八、对方不是自由身 我把这点留到最后，是因为这根本不能算是感情。选择终身伴侣的第一个前提是——对方是“自由身”。“自由身”就是可以自由和你交往，没有结婚、没有订婚、没有固定的交往对象、没有和别人上床、单身，只和你交往的人。 |
5. 有种思念不叫爱情 - 3/2/09 , 1.58 pm
有一个女孩失恋了，她伤的很深很深，觉得整个世界都抛弃了她，甚至想到了死。她发誓这辈子再也不谈恋爱了。她把这个消息告诉了一个男孩，于是男孩开始不断 的安慰她，鼓励她，每天编好玩的短信逗她开心，在每个夜晚祝她晚安。就这样，女孩渐渐从痛苦中恢复过来，又变得和往日般活泼可爱。
男孩每天晚上依旧祝她晚安，如时钟般的准时，女孩就在这种祝福中平静的睡去。可是有一天，女孩没有收到他发来的短信，心里有一种莫名的失落和不安。她问自 己，是不是喜欢上了这个男孩。她想起了自己的誓言，开始努力强迫自己不去想他，但男孩的影子总是若隐若现的在脑海里飘来飘去。她觉得这种思念怪怪的，和原 来恋爱时的感觉不一样：当她恋爱时，那种思念就象火一样炽烈，不断的燃烧着，吞噬着自己的一切，占据了自己全部的灵魂，除了思念在也不能做任何事了；而现 在呢，她说不清，她从未感到还有这样一种思念是淡淡的，有点虚无但又无处不在，不需要付出什么却总能感到一种温情，就象在房间的角落里摆上了一束百合，淡 淡的幽香弥散了整个房间，却又不会让你刻意的去想，让你感到不自在。
女孩决心要弄明白。一天，男孩给她打电话问她最近过的开心么。聊着聊着，她突然问这个男孩为什么没有女朋友，要不要帮他介绍一个。她问的时候心跳的很快， 但又装出一副开玩笑的口气。男孩说好啊好啊。她不知道那来的勇气，突然说那就考虑一下我吧。电话那端沉默了好久，女孩觉得自己太冲动了，预感到自己好象要 毁掉什么似的。男孩终于开口了，说我们还是象这样做朋友的好。她不甘的又问为什么呢你不喜欢我什么地方。又是好久的沉默，然后，男孩用一种缓慢的口气，好 象要让每个字都沉进女孩的心里似的，说：“我担心，如果以后你再失恋了，会没有人再来安慰你了。"
眼泪止不住的流下来了，女孩终于明白了，有一种思念不是爱情.
这种思念是平和的，是温馨的，是不掺任何杂念的，没有任何专属味道，没有任何占有的意念。
女孩突然想起男孩曾经说过，这个世界只有三种颜色，红色，蓝色和绿色:
红色是冲动，是激情，是毁灭一切的力量；
蓝色是忧郁，是深刻，是沉沦一切的力量；
绿色是平和，是安逸，是抚慰一切的力量；
经过红色的爱情，蓝色的失恋，那么绿色的思念就是你最好的心灵鸡汤。
爱情的时间是多久，几个星期，几个月，还是几年？但不管多久，爱情总是会过期的。而这种思念呢，永远也不会过期。
超越了爱情和友情的感情，就是这种思念。
找一处心灵的港湾，你可以放心的去停泊。
找一个心灵的守护天使，永远不会迷失自我。
当你找到了，你就是世界最幸福的人
6. can't survive without internet !! - 4/2/09 , 5.39 pm
yesterday got no internet to use...
damn...
my life nowadays became so boring...
and useless KH din go pay internet bill... made my life more boring yesterday... don't know what to do... just can sit in front of my laptop listen to songs... haiz... life is so damn boring without internet...
luckily today can access the internet d...
i can't live without internet !!
slept late last night too... was on the phone with JW till around 2 am...
luckily today's class was in the afternoon...
if not sure can't wake up d...
i am going out soon...
going kek lok si...
can go take plenty of picts...
this saturday going again...
going with different group of friends...
i think i might only go home this sunday... can i don't go home?
but i am not going home next weekend also... or maybe i can go home on next sunday also?
gtg... will continue to blog when i come back later...
7. kek lok si 4/2/09 - 5/2/09 , 1.12 am
back from kek lok si... took a few picts only... will take more on saturday...hope the saturday plan is on...
the guan yin statute...
jin siew & me...
siew yun, jin siew & me...
with siew ying...
with siew yun...after kek lok si, we went to have supper before we went home... went to one indian stall at jelutong... i didn't eat... just had a glass of ' teh ais '... and chatted with them...
' HAPPY cny '
siew ying said to me... and she stressed the word ' happy '...
' 单身快乐 '
i replied her...
and i said a lot of times d tonight...
' HAPPY cny '
siew ying said to me... and she stressed the word ' happy '...
' 单身快乐 '
i replied her...
and i said a lot of times d tonight...
coz she is facing the same problem as me...
we were planning to go out together during valentine's day...
don't know what's their plans yet...
hope i am not lonely this coming valentine's day...
单身快乐
i told su-yan too...
she asked me back ' you happy? '
i said ' happy... just not as happy as being in a relationship... '
they are different kind of happiness...
happy or not life still moves on...
i chose to be happy...
coz i feel it's time to be happy d...
i think i had suffered enough...
i felt there's no point feeling sad anymore... although sometimes i am still thinking about the same thing over and over again...
i know i will get over this soon...
it's just a matter of time...
i keep searching for my happiness... coz i thought i lost it somewhere... then i realised actually it was beside me all the time... it was just me that chose to ignore it...
i'll smile more...
i told myself...
i suddenly thought of what JW told me the other day...
he said i can be a really good gf...
i doubt what he said...
i think i lost confidence in myself...
he told me not to think the way i am thinking...
what he said make sense... and really made me feel better...
i guess... besides happiness... i need to gain back my confidence too...
it's 2.40 am...
time to sleep...
sweet dreams...
8. 5/2/09 - 6/2/09 , 1.34 am
went to class in the afternoon...
i started to feel bored in P1 class...
i started to day dream in the class...
i started to have the feeling of wanting to skip class...
but i know this is wrong...
so i told myself no matter what also i will go to class and try to concentrate in class...
results are coming out soon...
i think my results won't be good...
i know i will fail...
coz i did badly during the exam...
it will be just as badly as i did for the june exam last year...
the timing was so not right for both the exams...
why problems were there when i was about to take my exams?
why can't they happen earlier or after my exam?
why must they happened right before my exams when i was preparing so hard for my exams...
why they happened to distract me before my exams?
praying hard that i really can pass my exams this time...
* praying praying praying *
but i am glad that nothing is going to happen like before during this coming june exam...
so i can concentrate on my studies...
nothing is going to affect my mood anymore...
went to redbox after class...
had buffet dinner there...
told my mom about my plan to celebrate christmas and new year countdown at s'pore this coming dec... she allowed me to go... unexpectedly...
going to watch 'inkheart' this coming tues...
planning to watch 'bride wars' also... dated ah ann d...
haiz... my sunrise plan... how come left two ppl going only?
useless roomate... doesn't want to celebrate valentine's day with me... haiz...
ah ann... ya right... i am talking about u... useless...
it's 2.40 am...
time to sleep...
9. 7/2/09 kek lok si again - 8/2/09 , 1.23 am
went to buy mouse at techsurf before we went for dinner somewhere around ayer itam...
my new mouse...tonight went to kek lok si again...
went with MK, ah ann, hui see and pei seng...
we walked up there... swt... i thought we will go up by car... so i wore high heels there... torturing myself again... i want to buy new shoes !!
at first we wanted to go up there by car... but after much consideration... plus the long queue... we decided to park the car at an open space and walked up... it would be faster than we waited for the long queue...
there was a minor accident on the way to kek lok si... pei seng banged a motorcyclist... omg... all of us got a shock... luckily that aunty was fine... and the bike was still in good condition... the aunty was so nice that she said she was ok and asked us to leave...
we took around 170 photos... two cameras... my camera and MK's camera...
edited by me...
me & the dragon...
cute...
me...
with ah ann and hui see...
writing our wishes on the ribbon...
my name...
with MK and ah ann...
with hui see...
the five of us...i was suffering from leg pain when we walked down from kek lok si... high heels... haiz...
after that we went for supper... had duck rice... the famous duck rice at ayer itam...
there was jam on the way back to our house too... and it was around 12.30 am d... there were still many cars on the road... and most of them were indians... going for thaipusum celebration i suppose...
MK reached home at 4 am in the morning... coz of the jam at the bridge... pity him only... didn't get to reach home earlier...
had a great time... tired... but fun...
10. 10/2/09 - 10/2/09 , 2.26 pm
recently slept quite late at night... used to sleeping late at night...
will only go to sleep when i feel really very tired... tired enough to fall asleep once i went to bed... coz i don't want to lie on the bed doing nothing and start to think nonsense... this will be worst and make myself can't sleep well...
su-yan scolded me for sleeping so late at night... i know it's not good to sleep so late... i'll try to sleep earlier... i promise...
valentine's day is coming...
this year going to celebrate alone...
although morning going to watch sunrise... but afternoon and night still no plan yet...
going to feel lonely this coming valentine's day...
it's hard to get someone who loves you and you love that someone too...
i once told him...
i suppose he has forgotten about what i've said before...
but never mind... it's not important anymore...
sometimes i feel i am stupid...
to think about him again and again...
i know it's not worth thinking.... but i just can't stop thinking...
these few days i am feeling depressed again...
maybe valentine's day is coming...
i am just a bit worried that i cannot control my tears...
coz i can feel them in my eyes...
a friend asked me two days ago... will i still want to be in a relationship anymore?
i don't know...
i just know that now i feel very tired...
i don't want to think anymore...
i am scared that i will feel hurt again...
i know love is not how much you give in then how much you will get...
love cannot be judged...
love is just a feeling... only felt...
i was just a fool... the first time i felt hurt i told myself i would love him less so when he hurt me the second time i won't be hurt so badly...
i don't know i felt hurt for how many times... but i know after i felt hurt the first time... i didn't love him less...
i am stupid... i know...
i should have know how to protect myself...
it was an experience...
a good experience to prove what i said was right before we were together...
i once said i shouldn't judge every guy to be the same...
but i proved myself wrong...
or maybe is my luck not that good?
now i know why he wanted to be single back...
being single you don't have to consider too much if friends ask you out...
can do anything you want...
can go anywhere...
no need to report every minute everyday...
have the freedom to mix with the friends you like...
can go out with friends of opposite sex... without worrying him or her will get jealous...
it's 2.40 am now...
my tears insist to come out from my eyes... and i can't do anything about it...
listening to the song again and again doesn't help much...
maybe i should stop blogging...
maybe i should leave as soon as possible...
just now i removed a few readers from my blog...
one of them is him...
left three readers can read my blog only...
have to say sorry to those i removed...
i just don't want them to know i am still so sad...
i want them to see the happy me only...
let me bare the sadness my own...
i'll be fine... i keep telling myself...
it's 3 am now...
i should go to bed now...
11. s.0.s - 10/2/09 , 6.53 pm
haiz...
don't know why now cannot post comment in my blog...
the settings are correct...
but still...
argh....
someone... help me !!
12. 11/2/09 second baby nephew - 12/2/09
11 Feb is my second bro's birthday...
and it will be his son birthday too...
my second sis-in-law had safely delivered baby nephew on 11/2/09 at 10.40 am...
baby's name will be lee yong pin...
will upload the picture soon...
13. 13/2/09 - 13/2/09 , 8.46 pm
today went out lunch with ah xian...
she is moving back to our house... be our roomate in march...
after that we went prangin mall...
bought one shirt...
actually planned to go buy present for sin pei...
but ended up i bought things for myself...
i should stop buying things d...
but my mood still not that good...
Lee Ming Yee !! mood not good cannot always buy things and spend money... i'll remember that...
14. Valentine's - 20/2/09 , 12.48 am
it's been almost a week i did not update my blog...
haha... ah ann... thanks for reminding me that i did not update my blog...
i was too busy watching drama... too lazy to update my blog...
i'll briefly tell what i actually did in this one week... what happen to me... and so on...
14/2/09
valentine's day... this year valentine's day was quite a special one... coz i celebrated with friend and cousins...
went to watch sunrise.. woke up at 5 stg... thanks to alston for waking up so early and fetch me... luckily my sunrise plan did work...
afternoon went to gurney with sin pei and siao li... went for a movie titled 'Look For A Star' starring andy lau and shu qi... was quite a nice movie to watch...
walked to gurney... one word to describe... HOT !
was at gurney till 10 stg... waited for kean hooi to finish work for the acer fair... helped them to pack things for a while too...
luckily we walked back... coz it was so jam around gurney... the cars all were not moving... walk is faster than drive...
although for the past 2 years i celebrated with him... and this is the 1st valentine i celebrated without him... back to single... i did not feel sad or depressed... indeed i felt happy... i also don't know why i felt it that way...
maybe coz my sunrise plan did work... or maybe...... hehe... anyway... i felt happy on this day...
16/2/09
my dec sitting exam results came out today...
i felt so disappointed with myself...
this was the 1st time i felt this way...
i worked so hard for my exam, much harder than previous exam... but i failed my exam...
i failed all the papers i took... i cried... coz i ruined my exam...
after dinner, went to island coffee with ah ann, irene and kean hooi... it was my first time there... a very nice place to hang around... love the place...
double summer...17/2/09
i've decided to go kl... a sudden decision...
15. Random - 28/2/09 , 1.15 pm
aarggh... this stupid blog.. don't know what's wrong with it... still cannot post comments...
btw... i am going to create a new blog... and don't worry... i'll paste all the posts in this blog to the new blog... i am NOT willing to delete everything in this blog without making a copy of it...
it's been almost one week i last updated the blog... haha... busy packing my things... too many things d... so many boxes... omg... didn't realise i've got so so so many things...
i am going to kl alone this monday... taking bus by myself... my first time... quite excited about it... haha...
can go have a look on my cute little nephew... aaw... he looked so cute in the pictures... can't wait to see him...
going to be in kl for almost 2 weeks or more... so... i will not update my blog till i come back from kl... by that time my blog will be covered with dust... haha...
anyway... that's all for now... when i come back i hope i'll be start blogging in the new blog...
let my blog enjoy a nice and long holiday too : )
Monday, March 16, 2009
previous blog - Jan 09 Part 2
1. 爱一人 Love someone - 7/1/09 , 11.38 am
found something interesting and would like to share it...
如果你不爱一个人, 请放手...
好让别人有机会爱她...
If you don't love someone, please let him or her go...
Let somebody else has the chance to love him or her...
如果你爱的人放弃了你,请放开自己...
好让自己有机会爱别人...
If the one you love give up in you, please let go of yourself...
Let yourself have the chance to love somebody else...
有的东西你再喜欢也不会属于你的,
有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的...
There are certain things that will not belong to you even though you like them very much,
There are cerain things that are fated to let go even though you cannot bear to part with it...
人生中有许多种...
但别让自己为一种伤害...
In life there are of different kinds...
But don't let yourself be hurt of any kinds...
有些缘分是注定要失去的,
有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的...
There are certain predestined relationship that are fated to lose,
There are certain predestined relationship that will forever not have a happy ending...
爱一个人不一定要拥有,
但拥有一个人就一定要好好的去爱她...
You don't have to own if you love him or her,
But if you have him or her then you must love him or her with all your heart...
男人哭了是因为他真的爱了...
女人哭了是因为她真的放弃了...
Man cry because he is really in love...
Woman cry because she is really giving up...
如果真诚是一种伤害,我选择谎言;
如果谎言一种伤害,我选择沉默;
如果沉默是一种伤害,我选择离开...
If being honest would hurt , i choose to lie;
If telling lies would hurt, i choose to keep quiet;
If keeping quiet would hurt, i choose to leave...
如果失去是苦，你怕不怕付出?
如果迷乱是苦，你会不会选择结束?
如果追求是苦，你会不会选择执迷不悟?
如果分离是苦，你要向谁倾诉?
If losing is suffering, will you be scared to sacrifice?
If confusing is suffering, will you choose to end?
If courting is suffering, will you choose to be perverse?
If separating is suffering, who will you share your feelings with?
好多事情都是后来才看清楚,
好多事情当时一点也不觉得苦...
A lot of things can only be seen clearly later on,
A lot of things you won't feel suffer at once...
2. First day of class - 7/1/09 , 11.56 pm
today is my first day of class... new lecturer... i think she should be quite ok...
got my textbook and my past year booklet...
i think i can start reading my textbook when i feel awake during midnight...
maybe this will make me fall asleep faster...
7th of Jan...
today went to watch movie...
movie that i once told him that i wanted to watch with him...
but......
never mind....
i still enjoy the movie...
although i was with other people...
i told ah ann...
if nothing happened...
today would be......
what am i thinking actually?
i don't know...
how i wish my brain is a memory card... where i can select the files that i do not wish to keep... delete it forever... and cannot be restored...
how i wish my heart is made of metal... so even people hurt me i won't feel heart break and feel the pain...
how i wish i can get away from here... far far away from here...
i just want to get out from this island...
i don't want to be stucked in this island... having all the memories...
that i do not wish to remember...
i feel sick being here...
really...
i want to get out from here !!
3. 如果 If - 8/1/09 , 11.38 am
meaningful... got it from a mail too...
如果相遇，你會感到相知，那麼，有一種習慣 ─ 叫做陪伴。
如果陪伴，你會感到珍惜，那麼，有一種甜蜜 ─ 叫做存在。
如果存在，你會感到壓力，那麼，有一種善良 ─ 叫做離開。
如果離開，你會感到輕鬆，那麼，有一種勇敢 ─ 叫做放棄。
If meeting, you would be well acquainted with each other, then, there is a type of habit - called accompany...
If accompanying, you would feel appreciate, then, there is a type of happiness - called exist...
If existing, you would feel pressure, then, there is a type of kindness - called leave...
If leaving, you would feel relaxed, then, there is a type of courage - called give up...
4. Mini cinema part 2 - 8/1/09 , 11.20 pm
tonight got nothing to do... so me and ah ann decided to have mini cinema part 2...
haha... but then tonight no food... b'coz we planned our movie after dinner...
so.. ah ann... no need to worry about leftover food d... hehe...
and won't scold me for cooking so much also... haha...
listening to songs again...
today had my 2nd lesson...
she is not that good... but i think she is ok...
this is what i think... so far...
5. 爱痛过是放弃 - 9/1/09 , 11.21 am
found this on the internet... quite interesting... if i have time i will translate to english... sorry to those who could not read chinese...
或许一个场景就会确定爱该走的方向。
爱可以是习惯，一种简单的喜欢。
但爱上你是我不能控制的, 不管想什么，看见的都是你，如果这是梦为什么，那么的清晰。
我静静的坐在你身后，我以为爱还在，但是你的沉默告诉我，你选择了自由。
爱早已随风飘扬。
只是我骗了自己说爱还在。
想见不能见的无奈；心痛无泪的傻笑；说好忘记还记得 的悲伤；
既然放开手，为什么还要驾驶我的思念，去想你；
越是想要忘记，你的一切却显得那么的清晰；
爱痛过，我知道眼泪还可以这样流；
爱痛过，我知道原来心还可以这样痛；
爱痛过，我知道伤害一个人的心是如此的简单；
爱痛过，是放弃，因为你爱的人不再是我， 原来伤害也是一种爱。
这是谁的泪都不在重要，因为你关心的都不在是这些...
6. 爱到痛了，痛到哭了，于是选择放手 - 9/1/09 , 1.05 am
interesting article...
放手是一种无奈的绝望，痛彻心扉。当曾经珍爱如生命的人即将相逢陌路时，才恍然大悟：原来，曾经以为的天长地久，其实不过是萍水相逢。
曾经以为可以这样牵着手一路走下去，可是放手了才明白一切只是两条平行线，当一切都烟消云散，平行的依旧平行。即使相隔不远，也已是人各天涯。
勇敢的代价是自己先放下，承认失败、接受无奈，轻轻地叹口气，祝福他今后幸福快乐。从此心若芷水，难起波澜。
卷缩在角落，等待着伤口平复，体会敢爱敢恨敢失去的洒脱。
幸福的感觉也许只能刹那，刹那过后，只是一个人的伤痛。
放 手的日子，总是落落孤欢，会莫名地为了一首歌，一部戏，一个情节。甚或是一句话而泪流满面。总觉得天是黑的，云是灰的。总觉得失去了生活的意义。朋友告诉 我：你什么也没有失去，你只是回到了认识他以前的日子。我释然，就像烟花不可能永远挂在天际，只要曾经灿烂过，又何必执着于没有烟花的日子呢？
我们都是凡尘男女，挣不出纠缠的情网。逃不过爱与被爱的旋涡，心碎神伤后。是漫无止境的寂寞，寂寞吗？或许吧！再也不用为了猜测他的心思而绞尽脑汁，会不会轻舒一口气，感觉轻松一点点呢？
是 真的想开了吗？可以平静的面对他？纵然心里有种隐隐的说不出的酸楚。可是我还是落了泪，哭泣是因为一个人的记忆在心里。无论怎样也不肯散去。我一次次的问 自己：“爱你我怕了吗？”答案是肯定的，我怕了，我真的怕了。千疮百孔的心，脆弱的我再也经不起痛入骨髓的折磨，于是我放了他，也给自己放了一条生路。把 他凝成一幅画，深深的刻在脑海里...看着，想着，可是不会在做画中人，置身画外，才能更好地欣赏画的美丽，不是吗？
转过头，洒脱的走开,让背影深深地烙在他的脑海里，当什么时候能够用释然的心态去回忆时，我们的点点滴滴,到那时侯或许我才可以体会到放手后的美丽吧。
上帝让我在错误的时间遇上了你，我...哭了。
它让我在正确的时间离开了你，你...会哭吗？
一次次对自己说这次真的放下了，不知道自己还能这样骗自己多久...... 爱......
7. 如果有个女孩为你哭 请你放弃..放弃她 - 9/1/09 , 1.33 am
interesting article...
如果有个女孩为你哭，你们必是已经走到了尽头。想必她还爱着你，而你却是早已经不爱她。
所以，不要因为她的眼泪而回头，不要因为可怜她而假装自己还爱她，不要因为在转身的刹那看见她的脸还会怦然心动而误以为自己还余情未了。
请你看清楚，那是同情，不是感情。
如果你因为她的眼泪而再次伸出自己的手指，会发现最终抓住的，不过是两个人的寂寞。所以，如果有个女孩为你哭，请你放弃她。
不要期望她会很快振作，不要担心她在将来想起你的时候会恨你，如果是这样，她不是真的爱你；真的爱过，便不应该有恨，时间会让她了解，对于深爱过的人，最后的，唯一的纪念，只有感谢。
感谢你曾经走进她的生命，把生命中的一段时间给她，并且和她一样投入过。虽然一切已是昨天，虽然想起你的时候她还是会忍不住屏住呼吸，但是仍然感谢你，让她相信上苍是有恩赐，让她懂得爱、不爱、勇气、纪念、遗忘、感激、以及面对失去。
流下眼泪的刹那,好像明白了很多,也看清了很多...
所以如果有个女孩为你哭，请你放弃她。
不要把同情当作施舍，不要让两个人都陷入欲走还留，欲说还休的境地。
放弃，不是离去。
你爱她的时候，是真的爱她；不爱她的时候，也是真的不爱她。所以如果有个女孩为你哭，你要做的，是祝她幸福，而不是替她找幸福。放弃，才是拯救。给她一条新生的路途，可以遗忘，可以纪念，可以离开，可以出发，去往真正属于自己的前方。
如果有个女孩为你哭，请你放弃。
8. 有一种感情叫无缘,有一种放弃叫成全 - 9/1/09 , 1.37 am
许多的事情，总是在经历过以后才会懂得。一如感情，痛过了，才会懂得如何保护自己；傻过了，才会懂得适时的坚持与放弃，在得到与失去中我们慢慢地认识自己。其实，生活并不需要这么些无谓的执着，没有什么就真的不能割舍。学会放弃，生活会更容易。
学 会放弃，在落泪以前转身离去，留下简单的背影；学会放弃，将昨天埋在心底，留下最美好的回忆；学会放弃，让彼此都能有个更轻松的开始，遍体鳞伤的爱并不一 定就刻骨铭心。这一程情深缘浅，走到今天，已经不容易，轻轻地抽出手，说声再见，真的很感谢，这一路上有你。曾说过爱你的，今天，仍是爱你。只是，爱你， 却不能与你在一起。一如爱那原野的火面合，爱它，却不能携它归去。每一份感情都很美，每一程相伴也都令人迷醉。是不能拥有的遗憾让我们更感眷恋；是夜半无 眠的思念让我们更觉留恋。感情是一份没有答案的问卷，苦苦的追寻并不能让生活更圆满。也许一点遗憾，一丝伤感，会让这份答卷更隽永，也更久远。
收拾起心情，继续走吧，错过花，你将收获雨；错过他，我才遇到了你。继续走吧，你终将收获自己的美丽。
一个永远不想失去你的人，未必是爱你的人，未必对你忠心耿耿。有时只是这种脑袋不清的强烈占有欲者，他们才会做出各种“损人不利己”的事情，还如此理所当然。
在心中如果有“曾经拥有就永远不要失去”的偏执狂与占有欲，越想要获得爱的永久保证书，只会越走越偏离。
谁 说喜欢一样东西就一定要得到它。有时候，有些人，为了得到他喜欢的东西，殚精竭虑，费尽心机，更甚者可能会不择手段，以至走向极端。也许他得到了他喜欢的 东西，但是在他追逐的过程中，失去的东西也无法计算，他付出的代价是其得到的东西所无法弥补的。也许那代价是沉重的，直到最后才会被他发现罢了。其实喜欢 一样东西，不一定要得到它。有时候为了强求一样东西而令自己的身心都疲惫不堪，是很不划算的。再者，有些东西是“只可远观而不可近瞧的”，一旦你得到了 它，日子一久你可能会发现其实它并不如想象中的那么好。如果你再发现你失去的和放弃的东西更珍贵的时候，我想你一定会懊恼不已。所以也常有这样的一句话“ 得不到的东西永远是最好的。”所以当你喜欢一样东西时，得到它并不是你最明智的选择。
谁说喜欢一个人就一定要和他在一起。有时候，有些人，为了能和自己喜欢的人在一起，他们不惜使用“一哭二闹三上吊”这种最原始的办法，想以此挽留爱人。也许这留住了爱人的人，但是这却留不住他的心。更有甚至，为了这而赔上了自己那年轻而又灿烂的生命，可能这会唤起爱人的回应吧，但是这也带给了他更多的内疚与自责，还有不安，从此快乐就会和他挥手告别。 其实喜欢一个人，并不一定要和他在一起，虽然有人常说“不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有”，但是并不是所有人都会快乐。喜欢一个，最重要的是让他快乐，因为他的喜怒哀乐都会牵动你的心绪。所以也有这样一句话“你快乐，所以我快乐。”
喜欢一样东西，就要学会欣赏它，珍惜它，使它更弥足珍贵。
喜欢一个人，就要让他快乐，让他幸福，使那份感情更诚挚。如果你做不到，那你还是放手吧！所以有时候，有些人，也要学会放弃，因为放弃也是一种美丽。
9. 10/1/09 - 11/1/09 , 3.22 pm
yesterday went to celebrate alston's birthday... celebrated earlier for him b'coz meng kuang came to pg...
we went Victoria Station for dinner... we bought one cheese cake for him... but we didn't eat b'coz all of us were too full for dessert...
the food was not bad... but i can't finish the food i ordered... although i shared with hui see...
fresh watermelon juice...
one dozen of escargots... nice... but i prefer the one i ate in Windmill...
this is what i ordered... baked salmon and lamb...
they were busy talking... i was busy taking photos...
the main character of the day... thanks for the dinner...
pict taken by hui see...
this main character of the day... go redbox read magazine...waste money lor...
pict taken by hui see also...
me... at the staircase...
used to sit at the staircase and chat with cousins...
the garden...
the swing...
the clock...
me again...
i don't know... now is like... cny... hmm... nothing special...
just that it has become a celebration where i can get angpows...
not a celebration that i would be excited of to meet my cousins...
after went to grandma's house my mom suggested to search for laksa and somtam... at where also i am not so sure... just know it is located somewhere near hosba valley resort...
heard from my youngest aunt that the food there is nice...
so my dad went to search...
and thank goodness... we finally found the stall... we bought 2 packets of laksa, one packet of somtam and few pieces of fried chickens...
i love the somtam... taste very nice... one packet wasn't enough...
next time will have to buy more... haha...
took this pict on the way back after bought the laksa...
love the scenery...
last night... while chatting... suddenly thought of whity... a soft toy dog that he gave it to me...
i miss whity more than anything else...
i was too used to it beside me every night...
i used to hug it while watching tv...
i used to hug it while walking around the house when i got nothing to do...
i used to hug it while revising for my exams...
i used to hug it when i ......
now i have to get use to it not beside me... although it's been one month it was not on my bed... i still cannot get use to it yet...
it's still with me... in a plastic bag...
ah xian and ah ann said i should keep a few of the things as memories...
i don't know what to do with the things he gave to me...
chatted with a friend just now... he asked me a question... and we were talking about the things that made me feel depressed again...
there's only one thing that will make feel depressed for now...
and i thought i had get over it...
but i still feel hurt...
why i still feel the pain?
i broke my own promise... i told myself i would not cry anymore... i told myself i would not let my tears drop anymore...
y am i so useless?
i hate myself...
can i?
16. Eyes pain - 18/1/09 , 9.39 pm
now...
my eyes...
pain...
and tired...
hate it...
every time after cry...
haiz...
sure will rest earlier tonight...
hope this would be the last time... really last time...
17. Shopping - 19/1/09 , 8.50 pm
today went gurney...
planned to buy present for my beloved cousin but end up bought things for myself...
hehe...
bought a pair of shorts and nail polisher...
i think i should stop buying things d...
i think i spent a lot in one month time...
although i have reasons to spend money so that my mood would be better...
must stop buying things d...
still don't know how much need to be spent on alston's birthday... haiz... i think at least also rm50...
luckily my cousin's birthday is after cny... so at least... can use my angpow money to buy her present... hehe...
my new year clothes are more than enough d...
going to leave one shirt and one shorts in pg... as... it was bought without my mom knowing it... haha... if let her know... she will start to nag me... and i hate when she starts to nag me... she will nag for days... weeks... or even months...
i experienced it before... scared of it d... last year i bought one skirt for my birthday... then i told her about it... she nagged me til now... said the skirt i bought was too short... haiz... swt...
i can predict what she will say if she knew that i bought shorts...
today really not feeling well...
last night didn't sleep well...
don't know i really fell asleep last night or not...
slept quite late...
can't really sleep...
although my eyes were painful and i felt so tired...
was on the bed for hours...
same like the night before...
had difficulty in falling asleep also...
hmm.... what makes me can't fall asleep?
hate it...
tomorrow i don't have any class to attend... will be at home... need to search for things to do...
oh ya... almost forgot... i do have assignment to do... tomorrow must remember to do... hehe...
hope i will have a good sleep tonight... i don't want to be awake for hours on the bed... wondering why i am awake...
18. I am still awake - 20/1/09 , 12.15 am
19. 20/01/09 - 20/1/09 , 11.38 pm
today went out with riche and yee teng...
we went gurney...
yee teng miss the gurney food court's claypot tomyam noodle...
went to eat big apple donuts...
went to A & W also...
took a few of riche's 'tam chiak' photos... but i won't upload here... haha... i was warned by him...
pity the donut... riche ar... don't waste food next time...
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took this pict at A & W...
i think we took a lot of picts... but we deleted a lot also...
haha...
yee teng and i deleted the most...
riche was not allowed to delete any of the picts... coz those picts were so funny...
went for dinner at friends' house tonight...
had a nice chat with them...
didn't meet up with them for quite some time also...
friends said i looked fine...
but one of them said i didn't really get over it yet...
maybe i need more time...
just now received one call from a secondary school friend...
they will have a small gathering on the first day of cny...
sob... sob...
i won't be able to attend...
i didn't meet them for years d...
miss them so much...
it's 1 a.m now...
had a chat with ah xian...
and i felt depressed again...
but i didn't cry anymore...
although i feel like crying...
i am listening to the song again...
stop crying for him...
i think this will be the song that i will be keep listening whenever i feel like crying...
this song will be a reminder to myself...
20. Farlim pasar malam - 21/1/09 , 11.19 pm
today i forgot my class was at 130 p.m
was busy doing assignment...
thought the class was at 2 p.m
looked at the timetable only realise i got half an hour to prepare myself for the class...
quickly bathed then rushed to class...
tonight went to farlim pasar malam...
was forced by an ann...
i don't want to go out at first... coz i was feeling a bit lazy...
need to wash clothes... ended up i only get to wash my clothes at 12 midnight...
i think the last time i went to farlim pasar malam was... erm... i also can't remember d...
i just know that i didn't go pasar malam for a very long time d...
bought one hair clip...
hehe...
tomorrow going back d...
so have to think what to bring back...
21. KL... here i come - 23/1/09 , 10.08 am
i am going kl later... in another hour...
will be in kl for almost one week...
i wonder how my one week will be...
yesterday went to gurney redbox with ah xian...
my class was cancelled coz my lecturer was absent...
had my lunch in redbox...
took a few picts...
will upload them after cny when i go back to pg...
i think yesterday was the first time i took picts with ah xian...
i told her after cny will ask her out...
after that we went shopping...
ah xian wanted to search for new year shoes...
we went to Nichii... we both tested one shirt... i tested yellow colour... ah xian tested black colour... the shirt was nice... but it was still under our consideration... coz it's a little bit expensive... i don't have any yellow colour shirt... and i looked nice on it... should i buy? i feel like buying!!
ah xian said if she wants to buy it then she will go buy today...
maybe i should go kl and try the shirt again... see what my mom says about the shirt...
if she says ok... then she will pay for me... hehe...
last night had headache... haiz...
after packed my stuffs i went to sleep d...
slept quite early last night...
i think coz i was lack of sleep recently... swt...
cny coming d... i don't want to get sick...
this morning felt better... but still have a little bit of headache...
later must sleep in the car d...
must drink more water also...
aiks...
going out soon d...
have to stop here d...
i think... i will only update my blog when i am back in pg...
will update my readers what i have done during the one week in kl...
so during this one week... don't miss me too much oh... hehe...
happy cny to all my friends...
22. back at AS - 30/1/09 , 7.36 pm
i just came back from kl last night...
what i did in kl for cny?
besides taking lots of picts... is still taking lots of picts... haha... will upload all the picts when i am back in pg...
25/01/09
this is a day for reunion... we had reunion lunch and dinner on this day...
my mom cooked nice food... hehe...
went to mydin and carrefour for last minute shopping after lunch... need to buy ingredients for steamboat the next day...
at night my youngest aunt and cousin came to my bro's house... after dinner we gambled... that night my luck wasn't good enough... i lost RM4. didn't lost much lar actually... but still lost money ma...
my mom cooked all of them... hehe...
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took this pict in carrefour...
' lou sang ' after dinner...
26/01/09
the first day of cny... i woke up early to help mom to prepare for the steamboat... after lunch we went to visit eldest aunt... met cousin who came back from s'pore... and her lovely little girl... i think i didn't manage to take her pict... or did i actually forgot to take her photos?
after that we went to youngest aunt's house... gambled at her house... haha... luck was quite good so i won RM17.
we had steamboat for dinner too...
guess wat? 1st day of cny was my eldest sis-in-law's b'day... eldest bro bought chocolate indulgence from secret recipe for her...
a friend called from overseas when i was about to fall asleep... and we talked for more than one hour i think... and after end call... i don't feel sleepy anymore... aiks...
the steamboat...
my new year look...
my earrings & bracelet...
my new year shoes...
my nephew...
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chocolate indulgence...
27/01/09
2nd day of cny... woke up late coz slept late...
after lunch we went to visit third aunt... we gambled there also... cny is all about gambling huh? luck was not bad too and i won RM7.
had a chat wif wan yong, my another same age cousin... i really seldom have chance to really chat with her...was updating each other with our lives... and we had dinner at her house...
after went back to my bro's house... we went for a walk... with 2nd bro, 2nd sis-in-law and my mom... went to buy ice cream at the mini mart and enjoyed my chocolate ice cream beside the pool...
that night... we were discussing what name should be given to my nephew which will come to this world in march... had a great discussion... erm... should say it's a funny discussion... coz all of us came out with all sorts of funny funny names... ended up don't know should give what name also...
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me...
edited by su-yan...
28/01/09
went to mid valley... woke up early in the morning and followed my 2nd bro there... didn't really shop much coz don't really have much things to buy d...
went to walk around...
went to Nichii also... coz want to show my mom the yellow colour shirt i tested in gurney... but i can't find it anywhere in the shop... felt a bit disappointed... i want the yellow shirt !!
legs tired... coz was wearing heels... i tortured myself... sob...
lunch and dinner was in mid valley also... lunch went to food garden... dinner went to dragon-i...
carried my nephew... he wanted me to carry him... he is heavy... and will get heavier and heavier... i wonder the next trip i go will i be able to carry him?
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mid valley megamall...
mid valley the gardens
guitar collection...
this guitar cost RM15000...
dinner at dragon-i
my cute nephew again...
my dessert...
29/01/09
today going back to AS d... woke up early to pack my things...
had lunch before we departed... went to Tai Thong Imperial China... there was lion dance performance when we were there... it was interesting...
after lunch... we went back to AS... as usual... i took a nap in the car...
reached AS then went for dinner... i wanted to eat ' char hor fun' but the stall not open... haiz... so had dinner quite late... coz went to search for food... as most of the chinese hawkers still in holiday mood... tiring day... tiring week...
the jam...
took this pict in the car... love the sky...
30/01/09
today went out for lunch... had a small gathering...
those who went : ah ann, siew khim, jun huai, li ching, ah chang, kean hooi, ah jiet & his wife... ( hui see didn't meet us... she owe me angpao... haha... )
we went to spring leaf... today was the first time i went there... took some picts...
environment there was quite good... but the food... so so only lar...
after that we went to siew khim's house sing k... for FREE... haha...
it's fun meeting friends during cny... especially those only come back to AS during cny...
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soursop & kiwi...
ah ann & me...
pasta...
ah ann, me, li ching & jun huai...
group photo...
group photo part 2...
siew khim asked me to join her to australia... but don't know when yet... and i agreed... haha... it will be fun to go holiday... i suppose...
and i am still planning for my NZ holiday maker visa thing...
and i told my dad to bring me to johor and s'pore for holiday end of the year...
all my plans... hope they can really work...
i am going back to pg on sun... with ah ann... she is fetching me back...
i told her i don't feel like going back... she had the same feeling too...
i don't know why... there's still a strong feeling inside me... that i want to leave pg... i don't want to go back there anymore... i don't want to stay in pg anymore...
is not that i hate pg...
some said i was trying to escape... am i?
i just don't know why i still feel that way...
maybe that is what i want since last time... just that last time i chose not to leave... b'coz i thought it was worth not leaving... now... i realised it is not worth...
i cannot change what had happened... but i can change those that has not yet happen...
maybe i should be more selfish next time... to do what i really what to do... to do what i think i want to do...
some ppl are just too selfish that they hurt the one who loves them and sacrifice for them just b'coz they want more freedom... just b'coz they want to do what they like...
it's 1.45 am now... and i need to be on bed d...
23. 31/01/09 - 31/1/09 , 11.26 pm
today went to my grandma's house at changlun...
went to collect angpow from my grandma...
after that went to visit my eldest uncle at jitra...
received another angpow... hehe...
after that we went to buy somtam and laksa and fried chicken again... hehe... for dinner... really very nice and very full...
i think i gained weight back this cny... ate a lot during cny... haiz... waste my effort to lose weight for the past few weeks...
i was joking with my mom... said i don't want to go back home for one month... then i will lose weight d...
hate nia... take pict time face looked round d... haiz... need to continue with my diet plan d when i am back in pg...
i want to watch Inkheart !!
although yee teng told me the movie is not so nice...
but then... i still want to watch it...
am just waiting for a friend to tell me when free to watch...
and i want to watch sunrise on 14 feb no matter what also...
the same friend is willing to accompany me if i really want to go see...
i am glad that i have such a nice friend... although we both are not really very close...
going back pg tomorrow...
although my class is on wednesday...
i really don't feel like going back...
the feelings came every time i come home...
i still not yet pack my things...
will pack tomorrow morning...
don't have much things to pack d i suppose....
found something interesting and would like to share it...
如果你不爱一个人, 请放手...
好让别人有机会爱她...
If you don't love someone, please let him or her go...
Let somebody else has the chance to love him or her...
如果你爱的人放弃了你,请放开自己...
好让自己有机会爱别人...
If the one you love give up in you, please let go of yourself...
Let yourself have the chance to love somebody else...
有的东西你再喜欢也不会属于你的,
有的东西你再留恋也注定要放弃的...
There are certain things that will not belong to you even though you like them very much,
There are cerain things that are fated to let go even though you cannot bear to part with it...
人生中有许多种...
但别让自己为一种伤害...
In life there are of different kinds...
But don't let yourself be hurt of any kinds...
有些缘分是注定要失去的,
有些缘分是永远都不会有好结果的...
There are certain predestined relationship that are fated to lose,
There are certain predestined relationship that will forever not have a happy ending...
爱一个人不一定要拥有,
但拥有一个人就一定要好好的去爱她...
You don't have to own if you love him or her,
But if you have him or her then you must love him or her with all your heart...
男人哭了是因为他真的爱了...
女人哭了是因为她真的放弃了...
Man cry because he is really in love...
Woman cry because she is really giving up...
如果真诚是一种伤害,我选择谎言;
如果谎言一种伤害,我选择沉默;
如果沉默是一种伤害,我选择离开...
If being honest would hurt , i choose to lie;
If telling lies would hurt, i choose to keep quiet;
If keeping quiet would hurt, i choose to leave...
如果失去是苦，你怕不怕付出?
如果迷乱是苦，你会不会选择结束?
如果追求是苦，你会不会选择执迷不悟?
如果分离是苦，你要向谁倾诉?
If losing is suffering, will you be scared to sacrifice?
If confusing is suffering, will you choose to end?
If courting is suffering, will you choose to be perverse?
If separating is suffering, who will you share your feelings with?
好多事情都是后来才看清楚,
好多事情当时一点也不觉得苦...
A lot of things can only be seen clearly later on,
A lot of things you won't feel suffer at once...
2. First day of class - 7/1/09 , 11.56 pm
today is my first day of class... new lecturer... i think she should be quite ok...
got my textbook and my past year booklet...
i think i can start reading my textbook when i feel awake during midnight...
maybe this will make me fall asleep faster...
7th of Jan...
today went to watch movie...
movie that i once told him that i wanted to watch with him...
but......
never mind....
i still enjoy the movie...
although i was with other people...
i told ah ann...
if nothing happened...
today would be......
what am i thinking actually?
i don't know...
how i wish my brain is a memory card... where i can select the files that i do not wish to keep... delete it forever... and cannot be restored...
how i wish my heart is made of metal... so even people hurt me i won't feel heart break and feel the pain...
how i wish i can get away from here... far far away from here...
i just want to get out from this island...
i don't want to be stucked in this island... having all the memories...
that i do not wish to remember...
i feel sick being here...
really...
i want to get out from here !!
3. 如果 If - 8/1/09 , 11.38 am
meaningful... got it from a mail too...
如果相遇，你會感到相知，那麼，有一種習慣 ─ 叫做陪伴。
如果陪伴，你會感到珍惜，那麼，有一種甜蜜 ─ 叫做存在。
如果存在，你會感到壓力，那麼，有一種善良 ─ 叫做離開。
如果離開，你會感到輕鬆，那麼，有一種勇敢 ─ 叫做放棄。
If meeting, you would be well acquainted with each other, then, there is a type of habit - called accompany...
If accompanying, you would feel appreciate, then, there is a type of happiness - called exist...
If existing, you would feel pressure, then, there is a type of kindness - called leave...
If leaving, you would feel relaxed, then, there is a type of courage - called give up...
4. Mini cinema part 2 - 8/1/09 , 11.20 pm
tonight got nothing to do... so me and ah ann decided to have mini cinema part 2...
haha... but then tonight no food... b'coz we planned our movie after dinner...
so.. ah ann... no need to worry about leftover food d... hehe...
and won't scold me for cooking so much also... haha...
listening to songs again...
today had my 2nd lesson...
she is not that good... but i think she is ok...
this is what i think... so far...
5. 爱痛过是放弃 - 9/1/09 , 11.21 am
found this on the internet... quite interesting... if i have time i will translate to english... sorry to those who could not read chinese...
或许一个场景就会确定爱该走的方向。
爱可以是习惯，一种简单的喜欢。
但爱上你是我不能控制的, 不管想什么，看见的都是你，如果这是梦为什么，那么的清晰。
我静静的坐在你身后，我以为爱还在，但是你的沉默告诉我，你选择了自由。
爱早已随风飘扬。
只是我骗了自己说爱还在。
想见不能见的无奈；心痛无泪的傻笑；说好忘记还记得 的悲伤；
既然放开手，为什么还要驾驶我的思念，去想你；
越是想要忘记，你的一切却显得那么的清晰；
爱痛过，我知道眼泪还可以这样流；
爱痛过，我知道原来心还可以这样痛；
爱痛过，我知道伤害一个人的心是如此的简单；
爱痛过，是放弃，因为你爱的人不再是我， 原来伤害也是一种爱。
这是谁的泪都不在重要，因为你关心的都不在是这些...
6. 爱到痛了，痛到哭了，于是选择放手 - 9/1/09 , 1.05 am
interesting article...
放手是一种无奈的绝望，痛彻心扉。当曾经珍爱如生命的人即将相逢陌路时，才恍然大悟：原来，曾经以为的天长地久，其实不过是萍水相逢。
曾经以为可以这样牵着手一路走下去，可是放手了才明白一切只是两条平行线，当一切都烟消云散，平行的依旧平行。即使相隔不远，也已是人各天涯。
勇敢的代价是自己先放下，承认失败、接受无奈，轻轻地叹口气，祝福他今后幸福快乐。从此心若芷水，难起波澜。
卷缩在角落，等待着伤口平复，体会敢爱敢恨敢失去的洒脱。
幸福的感觉也许只能刹那，刹那过后，只是一个人的伤痛。
放 手的日子，总是落落孤欢，会莫名地为了一首歌，一部戏，一个情节。甚或是一句话而泪流满面。总觉得天是黑的，云是灰的。总觉得失去了生活的意义。朋友告诉 我：你什么也没有失去，你只是回到了认识他以前的日子。我释然，就像烟花不可能永远挂在天际，只要曾经灿烂过，又何必执着于没有烟花的日子呢？
我们都是凡尘男女，挣不出纠缠的情网。逃不过爱与被爱的旋涡，心碎神伤后。是漫无止境的寂寞，寂寞吗？或许吧！再也不用为了猜测他的心思而绞尽脑汁，会不会轻舒一口气，感觉轻松一点点呢？
是 真的想开了吗？可以平静的面对他？纵然心里有种隐隐的说不出的酸楚。可是我还是落了泪，哭泣是因为一个人的记忆在心里。无论怎样也不肯散去。我一次次的问 自己：“爱你我怕了吗？”答案是肯定的，我怕了，我真的怕了。千疮百孔的心，脆弱的我再也经不起痛入骨髓的折磨，于是我放了他，也给自己放了一条生路。把 他凝成一幅画，深深的刻在脑海里...看着，想着，可是不会在做画中人，置身画外，才能更好地欣赏画的美丽，不是吗？
转过头，洒脱的走开,让背影深深地烙在他的脑海里，当什么时候能够用释然的心态去回忆时，我们的点点滴滴,到那时侯或许我才可以体会到放手后的美丽吧。
上帝让我在错误的时间遇上了你，我...哭了。
它让我在正确的时间离开了你，你...会哭吗？
一次次对自己说这次真的放下了，不知道自己还能这样骗自己多久...... 爱......
7. 如果有个女孩为你哭 请你放弃..放弃她 - 9/1/09 , 1.33 am
interesting article...
如果有个女孩为你哭，你们必是已经走到了尽头。想必她还爱着你，而你却是早已经不爱她。
所以，不要因为她的眼泪而回头，不要因为可怜她而假装自己还爱她，不要因为在转身的刹那看见她的脸还会怦然心动而误以为自己还余情未了。
请你看清楚，那是同情，不是感情。
如果你因为她的眼泪而再次伸出自己的手指，会发现最终抓住的，不过是两个人的寂寞。所以，如果有个女孩为你哭，请你放弃她。
不要期望她会很快振作，不要担心她在将来想起你的时候会恨你，如果是这样，她不是真的爱你；真的爱过，便不应该有恨，时间会让她了解，对于深爱过的人，最后的，唯一的纪念，只有感谢。
感谢你曾经走进她的生命，把生命中的一段时间给她，并且和她一样投入过。虽然一切已是昨天，虽然想起你的时候她还是会忍不住屏住呼吸，但是仍然感谢你，让她相信上苍是有恩赐，让她懂得爱、不爱、勇气、纪念、遗忘、感激、以及面对失去。
流下眼泪的刹那,好像明白了很多,也看清了很多...
所以如果有个女孩为你哭，请你放弃她。
不要把同情当作施舍，不要让两个人都陷入欲走还留，欲说还休的境地。
放弃，不是离去。
你爱她的时候，是真的爱她；不爱她的时候，也是真的不爱她。所以如果有个女孩为你哭，你要做的，是祝她幸福，而不是替她找幸福。放弃，才是拯救。给她一条新生的路途，可以遗忘，可以纪念，可以离开，可以出发，去往真正属于自己的前方。
如果有个女孩为你哭，请你放弃。
8. 有一种感情叫无缘,有一种放弃叫成全 - 9/1/09 , 1.37 am
许多的事情，总是在经历过以后才会懂得。一如感情，痛过了，才会懂得如何保护自己；傻过了，才会懂得适时的坚持与放弃，在得到与失去中我们慢慢地认识自己。其实，生活并不需要这么些无谓的执着，没有什么就真的不能割舍。学会放弃，生活会更容易。
学 会放弃，在落泪以前转身离去，留下简单的背影；学会放弃，将昨天埋在心底，留下最美好的回忆；学会放弃，让彼此都能有个更轻松的开始，遍体鳞伤的爱并不一 定就刻骨铭心。这一程情深缘浅，走到今天，已经不容易，轻轻地抽出手，说声再见，真的很感谢，这一路上有你。曾说过爱你的，今天，仍是爱你。只是，爱你， 却不能与你在一起。一如爱那原野的火面合，爱它，却不能携它归去。每一份感情都很美，每一程相伴也都令人迷醉。是不能拥有的遗憾让我们更感眷恋；是夜半无 眠的思念让我们更觉留恋。感情是一份没有答案的问卷，苦苦的追寻并不能让生活更圆满。也许一点遗憾，一丝伤感，会让这份答卷更隽永，也更久远。
收拾起心情，继续走吧，错过花，你将收获雨；错过他，我才遇到了你。继续走吧，你终将收获自己的美丽。
一个永远不想失去你的人，未必是爱你的人，未必对你忠心耿耿。有时只是这种脑袋不清的强烈占有欲者，他们才会做出各种“损人不利己”的事情，还如此理所当然。
在心中如果有“曾经拥有就永远不要失去”的偏执狂与占有欲，越想要获得爱的永久保证书，只会越走越偏离。
谁 说喜欢一样东西就一定要得到它。有时候，有些人，为了得到他喜欢的东西，殚精竭虑，费尽心机，更甚者可能会不择手段，以至走向极端。也许他得到了他喜欢的 东西，但是在他追逐的过程中，失去的东西也无法计算，他付出的代价是其得到的东西所无法弥补的。也许那代价是沉重的，直到最后才会被他发现罢了。其实喜欢 一样东西，不一定要得到它。有时候为了强求一样东西而令自己的身心都疲惫不堪，是很不划算的。再者，有些东西是“只可远观而不可近瞧的”，一旦你得到了 它，日子一久你可能会发现其实它并不如想象中的那么好。如果你再发现你失去的和放弃的东西更珍贵的时候，我想你一定会懊恼不已。所以也常有这样的一句话“ 得不到的东西永远是最好的。”所以当你喜欢一样东西时，得到它并不是你最明智的选择。
谁说喜欢一个人就一定要和他在一起。有时候，有些人，为了能和自己喜欢的人在一起，他们不惜使用“一哭二闹三上吊”这种最原始的办法，想以此挽留爱人。也许这留住了爱人的人，但是这却留不住他的心。更有甚至，为了这而赔上了自己那年轻而又灿烂的生命，可能这会唤起爱人的回应吧，但是这也带给了他更多的内疚与自责，还有不安，从此快乐就会和他挥手告别。 其实喜欢一个人，并不一定要和他在一起，虽然有人常说“不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有”，但是并不是所有人都会快乐。喜欢一个，最重要的是让他快乐，因为他的喜怒哀乐都会牵动你的心绪。所以也有这样一句话“你快乐，所以我快乐。”
喜欢一样东西，就要学会欣赏它，珍惜它，使它更弥足珍贵。
喜欢一个人，就要让他快乐，让他幸福，使那份感情更诚挚。如果你做不到，那你还是放手吧！所以有时候，有些人，也要学会放弃，因为放弃也是一种美丽。
9. 10/1/09 - 11/1/09 , 3.22 pm
yesterday went to celebrate alston's birthday... celebrated earlier for him b'coz meng kuang came to pg...
we went Victoria Station for dinner... we bought one cheese cake for him... but we didn't eat b'coz all of us were too full for dessert...
the food was not bad... but i can't finish the food i ordered... although i shared with hui see...
fresh watermelon juice...
one dozen of escargots... nice... but i prefer the one i ate in Windmill...
this is what i ordered... baked salmon and lamb...
they were busy talking... i was busy taking photos...
the main character of the day... thanks for the dinner...
pict taken by hui see...after that we went to guyney plaza... me and hui see went shopping before we went redbox for second round... tested one shirt and skirt in padini... looks nice... but the skirt was too short... ended up didn't buy... if not my mom sure will nag me for buying such a mini skirt...
this main character of the day... go redbox read magazine...waste money lor...
pict taken by hui see also...there are still some photos with meng kuang's camera... waiting for him to send to me...meng kuang this old man... slow nia... haha...
went to redbox til 3 stg midnight... then reached home safely...
had a wonderful day...
10. 12/01/09 - 12/01/09 , 8.39 pm
today... is a boring day...
recently was watching one taiwanese drama ' miss no good '...
it's a stupid drama... funny... but no logic at all...
if i have other things to do i wouldn't want to watch it...
still left 2 episodes only...
thinking of what drama i can watch after that...
recently i felt so tired...
lack of rest... lack of sleep...
still having some cough...
hope to recover soon...
i think i didn't take good care of myseld... did i?
just heard that one of my secondary schoolmate passed away about half a year ago...
got a shock...
although i am not very close with her...
but it's a waste b'coz she's so young... and so pretty...
suddenly feel that life is full of uncertainty...
you won't know what is going to happen tomorrow...
i keep asking myself... what if i would die tomorrow?
will i be regret of what i've done so far?
suddenly feel... i shouldn't look back...
i don't know i still have how much time in the future...
friends asked me...
if after a few years... he comes back for me... will i still be with him?
hmm... this question...
i am very sure no matter what i won't be with him... no matter what...
chances were given... i won't give any more chances...
once lost is lost forever...
i think i deserve someone who loves me more...
although i know it's hard to get one...
do i hate him?
no i don't...
if you really love someone... you won't hate him or her...
you would thank him or her... for giving such a wonderful memories in part of ur life...
this afternoon had a chat with ah ann...
i told her...
i would want my next bf to be someone who is at least 3 yrs older than me...
but not more than 10 yrs older...
the reason is they are more matured...
y'day and today was busy downloading songs...
found one website...
busy watching drama also....
i think i found something else to make myself busy...
and i feel quite lazy to update my blog d...
today planned to go redbox... but ah ann suddenly changed her mind... said next week only go...
so whole day stayed at home only...
ish ish... ah ann...
have to wait for next week lor...
anyway... i still not yet fully recover yet... no voice to sing for so long also...
i think i should stop here d...
busy chatting...
and want to continue watching my drama...
11. 13/01/09 - 13/01/09 , 3.30 pm
today... is another ordinary tuesday...
not yet have my lunch...
not hungry... i suppose...
busy searching for songs since i woke up in the morning...
i lose weight... around 4 kg... can't believe...
my mom also couldn't believe that i lose so much weight... she is envy i think... haha...
all my jeans and shorts... now became quite loose...
lost appetite... ate less... till now still the same...
i am controlling myself not to gain weight back...
it's easy to gain weight but it's hard to lose weight...
it's time for me to search for new jeans and shorts...
but it's hard to get nice shorts...
am i too choosy?
listening to songs...
ah xian said nowadays i like to listen to sad songs... am i?
maybe...
finally finished the taiwanese drama... which ah ann said is ' bo ah kai' movie (hokkien)...
i agree...
it's the most stupid drama i watched...
maybe i should start watching 'supernatural'...
brought back from home few weeks ago...
this weekend going back home...
need to help mom tidy the house for cny...
going to meet jess and yew lee when i am back...
it's been years since i last see them...
can't wait to see them...
sure got a lot to chat...
tonight going out for movie...
irene said want to go relax herself after the exam...
last paper...
can say celebrate also...
planned to go redbox but after much consideration... we decided to watch movie... b'coz go redbox at night would cost more...
must not spend so much...
still need to buy present for alston's birthday...
need to put aside an amount for the present...
cny is coming...
ah ann decorated our pg house...
haha...
i feel the one on the door looks like octopus...
maybe when i am free later i can take photo and post it here...
i don't feel any cny mood yet...
but i am happy b'coz i'll be having holiday for around one week...
going kl for cny celebration...
cny means... getting angpows... means more money... means... :D
had to stop now...
wan to go take a nap d...
12. It's raining tonight - 13/01/09 , 8.46 pm
didn't go out tonight...
b'coz stomach a bit not well...
a bit gastric i suppose... didn't eat lunch... had to suffer the pain...
but the main reason is i don't want to be a lamp post...
coz ah ann said need to complete her assignment... then won't join us for movie...
so let KH and irene go date... hehe... without a lamp post...
it's raining now...
it's a bit cold...
last counting... i told myself...
tomorrow would be one month...
i recall what i've done in this one month...
i recall what i did to make myself happier in this one month...
i recall what was my feelings in this one month...
am i happy?
i keep asking myself the same question again and again...
am i really happy?
am i still feeling sad?
i don't know...
i am feeling depressed again...
today will be the last day... i told myself...
i can't be like this forever...
13. CNY is coming - 16/1/09 , 7.18 pm
i'll be going kl for cny celebration...
now i am a bit not happy...
coz i won't be able to meet my friends during cny...
li ching and jun huai coming back from s'pore...
ah chang going to australia in mac...
aiks...
last year they had gathering too... but i was in kl also... this year should be the same too...
can i spilt myself into two?
y'day came back from pg...
waited for the rapid to jetty for almost 45 minutes... omg... i wondered why so slow...
very hot... wasting time also...
took more than 3 hours to reach home...
TIRED... and HOT !!
but i enjoyed the scenery...
especially the sea...
don't know why... i just love the sea...
ah xian going to move out d...
sob sob...
she is moving out next week...
there will be nobody else to talk to except ah ann...
going to miss her lots...
our room is searching for another roomate... i put the notice 3 times but still no news...
nobody to share rental with...
very expensive lor...
this afternoon... don't know why... suddenly feel like want to find one day go watch sunrise...
so i asked ah ann... haha... she said wait when she is free...
maybe will ask a few more friends...
so that it's not so bored while waiting for sunrise...
planned to do so on 14 feb...
coz it's a saturday...
at least sunday no work no class... can rest at home...
hope my plan can work...
inkheart... releasing on 22 jan...
i want to watch this movie...
watched the trailer...
feel it is a nice movie...
planning to go lost world of tambun...
planning to go cameron highlands...
suddenly got lots of plans...
so happy... hehe... :D
14. Spring cleaning - 17/1/09 , 9.46 pm
today helped mom to clean the house again...
tiring...
tomorrow planned to tidy my room...
suddenly thought of something...
so want to search back the things...
cny...
i think i need to split myself into three... not two... coz my beloved cousin, sin pei will be in changlun during cny...
she will be bored to death in changlun... without me... haha...
my beloved cousin... we will meet during feb lar ya... hehe...
will celebrate your birthday also...
now now... need to think what to buy as your birthday present...
recently the rumours are killing me...
don't know since when the rumours started... omg...
i am ignoring the rumours...
but how to make people stop talking about it?
wei... MK... you keep saying about me ar... i will have no market d lar... haha...
will stop here for today... tonight i am busy chatting more than blogging... i also forgot i start blogging at what time... till now also cannot finish...
15. Grandma's house - 18/1/09 , 5.02 pm
today went to grandma's house at changlun...
took some photos...
will upload them when i am back in pg...
i used to love grandma's house when i was young...
there's a nice feeling about the house... the environment... everything...
and i do miss the times during cny... all the aunties and uncles... and my cousins...
besides angpows... cny is the time for all the cousins to meet up...
however... when all of us are getting older... or should i say after grandpa passed away... we seldom gather at grandma's house during cny...
grandma's house is getting more and more quiet during cny...
without all the chattings... all the noise... and all the scoldings by the adults...
i do miss those time when i was young... and would wait for cny to come... to meet my cousins...
me... at the staircase...
used to sit at the staircase and chat with cousins...
the garden...
the swing...
the clock...
me again...i don't know... now is like... cny... hmm... nothing special...
just that it has become a celebration where i can get angpows...
not a celebration that i would be excited of to meet my cousins...
after went to grandma's house my mom suggested to search for laksa and somtam... at where also i am not so sure... just know it is located somewhere near hosba valley resort...
heard from my youngest aunt that the food there is nice...
so my dad went to search...
and thank goodness... we finally found the stall... we bought 2 packets of laksa, one packet of somtam and few pieces of fried chickens...
i love the somtam... taste very nice... one packet wasn't enough...
next time will have to buy more... haha...
took this pict on the way back after bought the laksa...
love the scenery...last night... while chatting... suddenly thought of whity... a soft toy dog that he gave it to me...
i miss whity more than anything else...
i was too used to it beside me every night...
i used to hug it while watching tv...
i used to hug it while walking around the house when i got nothing to do...
i used to hug it while revising for my exams...
i used to hug it when i ......
now i have to get use to it not beside me... although it's been one month it was not on my bed... i still cannot get use to it yet...
it's still with me... in a plastic bag...
ah xian and ah ann said i should keep a few of the things as memories...
i don't know what to do with the things he gave to me...
chatted with a friend just now... he asked me a question... and we were talking about the things that made me feel depressed again...
there's only one thing that will make feel depressed for now...
and i thought i had get over it...
but i still feel hurt...
why i still feel the pain?
i broke my own promise... i told myself i would not cry anymore... i told myself i would not let my tears drop anymore...
y am i so useless?
i hate myself...
can i?
16. Eyes pain - 18/1/09 , 9.39 pm
now...
my eyes...
pain...
and tired...
hate it...
every time after cry...
haiz...
sure will rest earlier tonight...
hope this would be the last time... really last time...
17. Shopping - 19/1/09 , 8.50 pm
today went gurney...
planned to buy present for my beloved cousin but end up bought things for myself...
hehe...
bought a pair of shorts and nail polisher...
i think i should stop buying things d...
i think i spent a lot in one month time...
although i have reasons to spend money so that my mood would be better...
must stop buying things d...
still don't know how much need to be spent on alston's birthday... haiz... i think at least also rm50...
luckily my cousin's birthday is after cny... so at least... can use my angpow money to buy her present... hehe...
my new year clothes are more than enough d...
going to leave one shirt and one shorts in pg... as... it was bought without my mom knowing it... haha... if let her know... she will start to nag me... and i hate when she starts to nag me... she will nag for days... weeks... or even months...
i experienced it before... scared of it d... last year i bought one skirt for my birthday... then i told her about it... she nagged me til now... said the skirt i bought was too short... haiz... swt...
i can predict what she will say if she knew that i bought shorts...
today really not feeling well...
last night didn't sleep well...
don't know i really fell asleep last night or not...
slept quite late...
can't really sleep...
although my eyes were painful and i felt so tired...
was on the bed for hours...
same like the night before...
had difficulty in falling asleep also...
hmm.... what makes me can't fall asleep?
hate it...
tomorrow i don't have any class to attend... will be at home... need to search for things to do...
oh ya... almost forgot... i do have assignment to do... tomorrow must remember to do... hehe...
hope i will have a good sleep tonight... i don't want to be awake for hours on the bed... wondering why i am awake...
18. I am still awake - 20/1/09 , 12.15 am
| i kept repeating the song again and again... i should be on the bed right now... but then... here i am... still in front of my laptop... still here... blogging... this is a new song... sang by Fish Leong... title is 'Stop Crying For Him' 别再为他流泪 梁静茹 你走了太久一定很累 他错了不该你来面对 离开他就好 就算了 心情很干脆 他其实没有那么绝对 远一点你就看出真伪 离开他不等于你的世界会崩溃 转个弯你还能飞 就别再为他流泪 别再让他操控你的伤悲 就算有一点愚昧一点点后悔 也不要太狼狈 他不值得你的泪 把那遗憾留在大雨的街 你曾在迷失的旅途中盲目追 以后为自己醉 以后管他是谁 每段感情都非常珍贵 他的好你就放在心扉 记得有个人曾让你那样的心醉 你笑了照亮夜幕的黑 什么梦都不比你的美 多少年以后想起他还有些体会 那些你已无所谓 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ha3SWEI0LDc i stared at my blog for some time... don't know what to write anymore... still listening to the song... the lyric... is telling me things... that i knew... but still learning... looking through the lyric again and again... ya... i am tired d... really very tired... mentally very tired... nobody will understand my feelings... coz they are not me... and they won't be me... i am the only one who understand myself the most... i am not thinking much... really... but the sadness... the pain... is still with me... where is my happiness? did i left it somewhere? have i forgotten it already? i tried hard to be happy... really... i hate the current me... am i pretending to be happy? am i pretending i am fine? am i pretending to my friends? or it is just me? who is the one... who is trying to lie to my own self... that i am happy... that i am fine... am i the one who is lying to myself that i had get over this? i told myself... one month should be more than enough for me to get over it... but i proved myself wrong... one month is not enough... my blog... i guess... the sorrow is back again... trust me... i really don't hope my blog is full of sorrow... it's 1.40 am now... seriously... i need to be on the bed right now... |
today went out with riche and yee teng...
we went gurney...
yee teng miss the gurney food court's claypot tomyam noodle...
went to eat big apple donuts...
went to A & W also...
took a few of riche's 'tam chiak' photos... but i won't upload here... haha... i was warned by him...
pity the donut... riche ar... don't waste food next time....jpg)
took this pict at A & W...i think we took a lot of picts... but we deleted a lot also...
haha...
yee teng and i deleted the most...
riche was not allowed to delete any of the picts... coz those picts were so funny...
went for dinner at friends' house tonight...
had a nice chat with them...
didn't meet up with them for quite some time also...
friends said i looked fine...
but one of them said i didn't really get over it yet...
maybe i need more time...
just now received one call from a secondary school friend...
they will have a small gathering on the first day of cny...
sob... sob...
i won't be able to attend...
i didn't meet them for years d...
miss them so much...
it's 1 a.m now...
had a chat with ah xian...
and i felt depressed again...
but i didn't cry anymore...
although i feel like crying...
i am listening to the song again...
stop crying for him...
i think this will be the song that i will be keep listening whenever i feel like crying...
this song will be a reminder to myself...
20. Farlim pasar malam - 21/1/09 , 11.19 pm
today i forgot my class was at 130 p.m
was busy doing assignment...
thought the class was at 2 p.m
looked at the timetable only realise i got half an hour to prepare myself for the class...
quickly bathed then rushed to class...
tonight went to farlim pasar malam...
was forced by an ann...
i don't want to go out at first... coz i was feeling a bit lazy...
need to wash clothes... ended up i only get to wash my clothes at 12 midnight...
i think the last time i went to farlim pasar malam was... erm... i also can't remember d...
i just know that i didn't go pasar malam for a very long time d...
bought one hair clip...
hehe...
tomorrow going back d...
so have to think what to bring back...
21. KL... here i come - 23/1/09 , 10.08 am
i am going kl later... in another hour...
will be in kl for almost one week...
i wonder how my one week will be...
yesterday went to gurney redbox with ah xian...
my class was cancelled coz my lecturer was absent...
had my lunch in redbox...
took a few picts...
will upload them after cny when i go back to pg...
i think yesterday was the first time i took picts with ah xian...
i told her after cny will ask her out...
after that we went shopping...
ah xian wanted to search for new year shoes...
we went to Nichii... we both tested one shirt... i tested yellow colour... ah xian tested black colour... the shirt was nice... but it was still under our consideration... coz it's a little bit expensive... i don't have any yellow colour shirt... and i looked nice on it... should i buy? i feel like buying!!
ah xian said if she wants to buy it then she will go buy today...
maybe i should go kl and try the shirt again... see what my mom says about the shirt...
if she says ok... then she will pay for me... hehe...
last night had headache... haiz...
after packed my stuffs i went to sleep d...
slept quite early last night...
i think coz i was lack of sleep recently... swt...
cny coming d... i don't want to get sick...
this morning felt better... but still have a little bit of headache...
later must sleep in the car d...
must drink more water also...
aiks...
going out soon d...
have to stop here d...
i think... i will only update my blog when i am back in pg...
will update my readers what i have done during the one week in kl...
so during this one week... don't miss me too much oh... hehe...
happy cny to all my friends...
22. back at AS - 30/1/09 , 7.36 pm
i just came back from kl last night...
what i did in kl for cny?
besides taking lots of picts... is still taking lots of picts... haha... will upload all the picts when i am back in pg...
25/01/09
this is a day for reunion... we had reunion lunch and dinner on this day...
my mom cooked nice food... hehe...
went to mydin and carrefour for last minute shopping after lunch... need to buy ingredients for steamboat the next day...
at night my youngest aunt and cousin came to my bro's house... after dinner we gambled... that night my luck wasn't good enough... i lost RM4. didn't lost much lar actually... but still lost money ma...
my mom cooked all of them... hehe....jpg)
took this pict in carrefour...
' lou sang ' after dinner...26/01/09
the first day of cny... i woke up early to help mom to prepare for the steamboat... after lunch we went to visit eldest aunt... met cousin who came back from s'pore... and her lovely little girl... i think i didn't manage to take her pict... or did i actually forgot to take her photos?
after that we went to youngest aunt's house... gambled at her house... haha... luck was quite good so i won RM17.
we had steamboat for dinner too...
guess wat? 1st day of cny was my eldest sis-in-law's b'day... eldest bro bought chocolate indulgence from secret recipe for her...
a friend called from overseas when i was about to fall asleep... and we talked for more than one hour i think... and after end call... i don't feel sleepy anymore... aiks...
the steamboat...
my new year look...
my earrings & bracelet...
my new year shoes...
my nephew....jpg)
chocolate indulgence...27/01/09
2nd day of cny... woke up late coz slept late...
after lunch we went to visit third aunt... we gambled there also... cny is all about gambling huh? luck was not bad too and i won RM7.
had a chat wif wan yong, my another same age cousin... i really seldom have chance to really chat with her...was updating each other with our lives... and we had dinner at her house...
after went back to my bro's house... we went for a walk... with 2nd bro, 2nd sis-in-law and my mom... went to buy ice cream at the mini mart and enjoyed my chocolate ice cream beside the pool...
that night... we were discussing what name should be given to my nephew which will come to this world in march... had a great discussion... erm... should say it's a funny discussion... coz all of us came out with all sorts of funny funny names... ended up don't know should give what name also...
.jpg)
me...
edited by su-yan...28/01/09
went to mid valley... woke up early in the morning and followed my 2nd bro there... didn't really shop much coz don't really have much things to buy d...
went to walk around...
went to Nichii also... coz want to show my mom the yellow colour shirt i tested in gurney... but i can't find it anywhere in the shop... felt a bit disappointed... i want the yellow shirt !!
legs tired... coz was wearing heels... i tortured myself... sob...
lunch and dinner was in mid valley also... lunch went to food garden... dinner went to dragon-i...
carried my nephew... he wanted me to carry him... he is heavy... and will get heavier and heavier... i wonder the next trip i go will i be able to carry him?
.jpg)
mid valley megamall...
mid valley the gardens
guitar collection...
this guitar cost RM15000...
dinner at dragon-i
my cute nephew again...
my dessert...29/01/09
today going back to AS d... woke up early to pack my things...
had lunch before we departed... went to Tai Thong Imperial China... there was lion dance performance when we were there... it was interesting...
after lunch... we went back to AS... as usual... i took a nap in the car...
reached AS then went for dinner... i wanted to eat ' char hor fun' but the stall not open... haiz... so had dinner quite late... coz went to search for food... as most of the chinese hawkers still in holiday mood... tiring day... tiring week...
the jam...
took this pict in the car... love the sky...30/01/09
today went out for lunch... had a small gathering...
those who went : ah ann, siew khim, jun huai, li ching, ah chang, kean hooi, ah jiet & his wife... ( hui see didn't meet us... she owe me angpao... haha... )
we went to spring leaf... today was the first time i went there... took some picts...
environment there was quite good... but the food... so so only lar...
after that we went to siew khim's house sing k... for FREE... haha...
it's fun meeting friends during cny... especially those only come back to AS during cny...
.jpg)
soursop & kiwi...
ah ann & me...
pasta...
ah ann, me, li ching & jun huai...
group photo...
group photo part 2...siew khim asked me to join her to australia... but don't know when yet... and i agreed... haha... it will be fun to go holiday... i suppose...
and i am still planning for my NZ holiday maker visa thing...
and i told my dad to bring me to johor and s'pore for holiday end of the year...
all my plans... hope they can really work...
i am going back to pg on sun... with ah ann... she is fetching me back...
i told her i don't feel like going back... she had the same feeling too...
i don't know why... there's still a strong feeling inside me... that i want to leave pg... i don't want to go back there anymore... i don't want to stay in pg anymore...
is not that i hate pg...
some said i was trying to escape... am i?
i just don't know why i still feel that way...
maybe that is what i want since last time... just that last time i chose not to leave... b'coz i thought it was worth not leaving... now... i realised it is not worth...
i cannot change what had happened... but i can change those that has not yet happen...
maybe i should be more selfish next time... to do what i really what to do... to do what i think i want to do...
some ppl are just too selfish that they hurt the one who loves them and sacrifice for them just b'coz they want more freedom... just b'coz they want to do what they like...
it's 1.45 am now... and i need to be on bed d...
23. 31/01/09 - 31/1/09 , 11.26 pm
today went to my grandma's house at changlun...
went to collect angpow from my grandma...
after that went to visit my eldest uncle at jitra...
received another angpow... hehe...
after that we went to buy somtam and laksa and fried chicken again... hehe... for dinner... really very nice and very full...
i think i gained weight back this cny... ate a lot during cny... haiz... waste my effort to lose weight for the past few weeks...
i was joking with my mom... said i don't want to go back home for one month... then i will lose weight d...
hate nia... take pict time face looked round d... haiz... need to continue with my diet plan d when i am back in pg...
i want to watch Inkheart !!
although yee teng told me the movie is not so nice...
but then... i still want to watch it...
am just waiting for a friend to tell me when free to watch...
and i want to watch sunrise on 14 feb no matter what also...
the same friend is willing to accompany me if i really want to go see...
i am glad that i have such a nice friend... although we both are not really very close...
going back pg tomorrow...
although my class is on wednesday...
i really don't feel like going back...
the feelings came every time i come home...
i still not yet pack my things...
will pack tomorrow morning...
don't have much things to pack d i suppose....
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