new year eve...
afternoon went gurney for movie with a few friends... but b'coz of traffic jam we were late for our show... din expect it would be so jam... the show was ok only... i think b'coz we missed the front part... kinda dunno wat the movie is about when we were watching halfway...
countdown
went to queensbay after the show... as friends suggested to go there for countdown... there were so many cars on the road... but it was not so bad... we still manage to make our way to queensbay...
the long queue....
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took this pict while waiting for the cars to move...
there were so many people in the mall... omg... it's hard to decide wat to eat and where to eat... as most of the restaurant are full of people and a lot of people are waiting... by the time we finally decided wat to eat... it was almost 9 something... i was so hungry tat by the time the food was served i don't feel like eating anymore b'coz my stomach was full of air...
iced honey lemon tea...
rocket... cute....
the group of singers...
lost... lost... lost... i was lost in the crowd... swt... had to countdown myself and watch the fireworks my own... found them only after the fireworks... haih... really unforgetable new year...
fireworks...
we were stuck in the jam for one hour plus... swt... then only we reached home...
happy new year to all my friends... :)
2. 1st day of 2009 - 1/1/09 , 11.56 am
slept quite late last nite... woke up quite early today... dunno y... these few days slept for very few hours only...
hate nia... maybe b'coz of the sore throat... still not yet recover...
hope i won't turn into a panda soon...
last nite...
wasn't really happy...
tried to control my tears...
finally i managed not to cry...
it's a brand new year... i hope i can leave my tears in 2008.
i don't want to drop a single tear anymore...
i know it's hard... but i hope i can manage it...
actually... i still cannot manage my feelings properly yet...
i m still learning how to manage my feelings and my emotions...
i keep telling myself it's not worth crying...
but my tears just don't listen to me...
i don't know i still need how much tears... to wash off the pain he gave me...
my tears are dropping again...
3. I'll be fine - 1/1/09 , 1.33 pm
i'll be fine...
i told myself everytime i drop my tears...
all i need is time...
wiped off my tears...
i smiled...
i m fine...
i said to myself...
things will work out fine...
4. Mr Right or Mr Wrong? - 1/1/09 , 1.47 pm
i once thought i found my mr right...
and i would spend my life time with him...
that was juz a dream...
when the dream ends...
i am back in reality...
and i have to face it bravely...
tears dropping again...
hate myself...
5. Being single - 1/1/09 , 1.56 pm
not being in a relationship isn't that bad... really...
at least u won't feel heart break...
maybe this is a negative thinking...
but this is what i really think for now...
maybe i will find my mr.right in the future...
but not in 2009...
wait till i am prepared...
i don't know what is in his mind...
i don't understand him at all...
how come he don't feel the pain i felt?
6. rainny day - 1/1/09 , 5.38 pm
today...
mood not very good...
it's rainning out there...
if i have the courage to go out there...
stand under the rain...
let the rain pour on me...
let me cry in the rain...
let the rain wash away my sadness...
so when the rain finally stops i would feel better...
p/s : please leave my tears in a raining day... thank you...
7. Doesn't matter - 1/1/09 , 7.57 pm
it doesn't matter whether i m sad or happy...
really...
u can't even see or feel it...
even if i feel sad... it's my feelings...
8. friends to couple to friends ?? - 1/1/09 , 9.55 pm
speechless...
9. Last crying - 1/1/09 , 11.47 pm
i told myself... today would be the last day...
to cry out everything...
i am tired... too tired...
to cry again...
can't remember i cried for how long...
cried for a while before went out this afternoon...
tonight tears kept coming out from my eyes...
listening to songs...
looking at the screen...
looking at what he wrote...
tears dropping...
cried for hours...
eyes really pain...
heart really pain...
i am hurt...
i didn't think much... really...
i just don't know why...
once tears came out from my eyes... it just can't stop...
after one whole day...
i am really very tired...
mentally tired...
i need a good rest tonight...
10. Searching for happiness - 3/1/09 , 11.56 am
maybe he is right...
it's been almost 3 weeks...
i don't have any sign of happiness... do i?
i don't know...
i don't know why i will feel this way for such a long period...
it seems i've lost myself somewhere...
recently was listening to a song sent by ah ann to me... sang by Yise Luo Yi Shi... title is 'Bie Zai Ku Le'(Don't Cry Anymore)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYKeQSCUpdU
the lyric is very meaningful...
at least after listening to the song i feel much better...
another song i found... also sang by her... title is 'Qian Nv You' (Ex-girlfriend)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFuunwJUAdI
i didn't lost my happiness... did i?
i don't know...
maybe i just lost one of my happiness only...
11. First time - 3/1/09 , 7.01 pm
last night went out with a few friends...
suddenly feel i am not from AS...
went out to Uncle John... the shop opened long time ago but last night was my first time there...
after that went to Gemilang... sort of mamak stall... selling burger and western food and etc... the stall was there long time ago... but last night was my first time there also...
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first time...
i once did a lot of things first time with him too...
too many first time...
uncountable...
hiding my tears again...
12. Again and again - 3/1/09 , 11.53 pm
i kept listening to the song again and again...
hope it will makes me feel better...
but it seems useless...
i just feel too hurt...
to be healed...
needed a needle and string... to sew back my broken heart...
but it will still leave scars that i will never forget...
maybe i shouldn't think about it anymore...
i should just keep myself busy...
but how to keep myself busy when i have plenty of time?
i don't have enough things to make myself busy...
i should be in bed by this time...
still having sore throat...
the sore throat came at the right time...
because i don't feel like talking...
and this is a very good excuse... for being quiet...
i don't know since when i become like this...
even my friends notice the changes...
and they are trying hard to cheer me...
trying to make me talk more...
i am not suffering myself... really...
don't feel sorry...
u don't have to feel sorry...
it's not ur fault...
i lied to my mom...
she asked me whether i have let go...
did she notice that i was not so happy like last time?
i think i am not a good pretender...
i'll never be a good pretender...
that can hide all my feelings to myself...
it came and it ended...
how it started is still fresh in the mind...
my phone is silent most of the time...
no more frequent sms and calls...
nobody would wish me good morning when i wake up and good night when i m going to sleep soon...
nobody would ask what i am doing now...
nobody would ask whether i have my breakfast, lunch and dinner...
nobody would ask anymore...
i am tired...
13. I - 4/1/09 , 1.20 pm
last night i can't sleep again...
haih...
i was on the bed for more than one hour before i could fall asleep...
wanted to find a friend to accompany me...
but it was too late...
never mind...
just laid on the bed...
and when i am tired...
i will close my eyes and shut down my mind...
i wish we could be friends back...
really...
i really wish we could be very good friends...
but......
he said my blog is full of sorrow...
is it?
i thought of not letting him know this blog...
i thought of removing him as a reader of the blog...
so that he won't know how i am feeling now and then...
and he won't feel sorry...
and he will be happy
that he thought i'll be happy too...
i don't know whether is he reading my blog everyday...
maybe he is not...
maybe he is just not so free like me...
to have the time to post a few entries in a day...
14. Recovering - 4/1/09 , 4.23 pm
i am recovering from my sore throat...
after so many days...
it finally recovering...
but am i recovered mentally?
i don't know...
am i recovering too?
15. Guys - 4/1/09 , 6.56 pm
i read my friend's blog and found what she wrote was interesting...
So, nowadays it has become a very common phenomenon to see girls dumping guys.
Once, the guys- dominated world used to see guys being the one to choose their partner. One after another girls they dump without remorse.
So, why is it that girls have started to go against guys, playing guys instead?
Personally, I think, there are a few reasons why certain types of guys are a total put off to girls....
First and foremost, guys who are a miser. It's not that girls are materialistic, but girls want to feel like they have a great partner with them....someone who doesn't mind spending a little here and there for them. To make them feel loved.
Nxt, is to have a control freak as a boyfriend. Guys who enjoy controlling girls should go get themselves a life...."Hey dear, where are you? Are you outside again? Go back faster. I don't like it that u're out so late"....then after 10 seconds...."are u back already?"......20 seconds later...."who are u with?"......10 seconds later...."I don't like you going out at night!!!"
My goodness...such guys should burn in hell. They act like as if they don't have a life of their own, and their only entertainment is to stalk their girlfriends. I think, everybody deserves to have their own private space, once in awhile.
Boring guys!!! Boring guys are the worst. They are not interesting. They don't play roller coaster, they don't go clubbing, they don't drink, they don't accompany their gfs for shopping. And the only thing they do, is watch movies! It's not that all guys should flood the clubbing centres....and be a hardcore drinker. But once in awhile girls love it that their bfs bring them out for certain enjoyment. Going food hunting, going on a roller coaster ride, going clubbing once in a blue moon to spice up the relationship again. So boring guys who got dump, I think they should re-evaluate themselves. I don't think the girls should be blamed.
Arrogant guys. Guys and their arrogance. They think they are always right....when in actual fact...half the time they are wrong. They expect girls to agree with whatever they say. They expect people to think like what they think. They never admit their mistakes. They only see the fault in others. Guys who are arrogant seriously deserve to be dumped! I'm sure many girls would agree with me.
Sore losers. Guys who are sore losers, are a total put off to girls. They hate to lose. They can't take it that they lose. They come out with thousand and ones lame excuses to cover their lost.....to put the blame on others for their failure....or to talk bad about stuff that they can't get. Why can't guys take failure easily? Because of ego? Or is it that we are staying in Malaysia, that we should learn from our politicians how to mock at each other? Especially when they lose out in something....
So, guys with those few traits....please do wake up before you become the next victim.
And to guys who dump their girls who love them whole-heartedly. You'll be sorry in the future. Cause great girls are hard to come by these days.
16. Bored - 4/1/09 , 8.39 pm
i am so so bored...
i am so so free...
don't know what to do...
listening to songs...
nowadays when i have nothing to do i would listen to songs and start blogging...
although there is nothing much to write... but at least i have something to do...
sometimes i have nothing to do till i could stare at things for some time...
i think i should go back and buy some novels to read so that i won't be bored to death...
17. Still at home - 5/1/09 , 12.19 pm
last night was on bed for more than one hour before i could really fall asleep too...
but last night i sms a friend...
a friend who doesn't sleep so early every night...
i need to talk to someone... i need someone to listen to me... i need someone to accompany me... i need someone to lend his or her shoulder to me so i can lean on...
so i would not feel alone...
so i would feel better...
thanks to that friend... i felt better after talking to that friend...
although that friend is not beside me...
thanks to that friend for lending me an invisible shoulder to lean on...
i know i can count on that friend every time i am down...
today am at home whole day...
was helping mom to clean the house for cny...
then went to nap for hours...
got up then continue blogging again...
had a chat with ah ann through msn...
we both......
we got any plans to go out we would include each other...
because... we both feel lonely at home... haha...
i want to go sing k... this is what i thought of when i get back to pg...
this morning ah ann called me and asked me go back pg immediately... she and ah xian wanted to go redbox... lack of one person... but then i didn't go back... too rush...
maybe some of you may think it is a waste of money... but then when i am not in a good mood i would like to go sing k... it's a way to release tension and etc...
i am planning what to do for tomorrow... and Wednesday... didn't plan for Thursday yet...
maybe i should start planning what to do on Thursday when i got back to pg tomorrow...
i think i should 'lend' a lot of DVDs from my dad to bring back to pg... if not i would be bored to death... haha...
18. No answer - 5/1/09 , 9.43 pm
tell me...
are you happy?
tell me...
are you happier than before?
tell me...
can you?
what am i expecting?
i don't know...
am i happy?
i asked myself...
am i happier than before?
i asked myself...
there's no answer for me...
there will be no answer...
19. A chat - 5/1/09 , 11.20 pm
today was chatting with ah ann through msn...
we were planning to have a ' mini cinema ' ( that is what she called it ) in our house tomorrow night as i am bringing DVDs back to pg tomorrow...
two lonely people... ( that is what she said also... )
trying to find things to do so that we both are not so lonely...
going to prepare food also...
really feel we both very ' wu liao '...
haha...
i think we both are...
and we were talking about guys...
speechless....
and our conclusion is...
guys are as complicated as girls...
she blamed faith and destiny....
what can i blame?
still don't know what to do on Thursday...
planned to meet up two good friends... but they both said too broke to go out... haiz... have to postpone plan...
any suggestions? anyone?
ah ann lar... don't want to think... always let me think... useless roomate... haha...
20. 6/1/09 - 6/1/09 , 2.43 pm
last night was even worst... i totally cannot sleep... was on the bed til 5am i think... then need to wake up early to come back pg... slept for not more than four hours... omg... headache...
seriously... i think i need sleeping pills...
how come it is so hard to fall asleep?
i need to nap...
seriously...
but then if i nap now... what if i couldn't sleep tonight?
aiks...
i NEED sleeping pills !!
21. Tomorrow - 6/1/09 , 2.26 pm
today is 6th Jan...
tomorrow is 7th Jan...
it will be 3 weeks...
next wednesday is 14th Jan...
it will be one month...
why am i still counting days?
it's useless to count anymore...
suddenly hate the number 'seven'...
suddenly hate the number 'fourteen'...
suddenly hate everything......
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